there's like this constant upwelling of weird feelings surging through me...fear and panic all at once...i know i've gotta push these aside and not let it affect my studying progress,but i can't help but wonder wad if everything goes wrong and i end up dissappointing everyone and myself yet AGAIN...this thought keeps running through my mind every time i can't solve a maths sum or can't grasp a geographic or economic concept...i know i'm definitely more confident of wad i'm studying now as compared to the shit i knew last yr,but everyone in this yr's batch probably knows jus as much and are working even harder den me...blaming anyone else but myself now would be ridiculous...sometimes i really detest my laziness and incapabilities...so disgusting!!!

all these unnecessary worrying is jus taking too much of my time...its hard to concentrate with these thoughts occupying my already close to full employment brain...i need to like eradicate it asap and carry on with my studying but i jus can't stop it...it gets worse as the day draws nearer...is this like the pre-exam jitters?...if it is den i am experiencing probably the most extreme end of it...i hate this feeling!!! I NEED OUT!!!!!!!!!

omg...i freakin hate this feeling i have now...argh!!! go away!!!

omg...jus realised my previous post was so angsty...can't believe i was so pissed...but now everything's fine...haha...i think the coming exams must have been making me cranky thus explaining my weird temper(hope i'm not schizophrenic)...SHEESH!!!
anyway managed to get some studying done the past few days...so i'm a rather happy camper rite now...but still require help from chow chow to clear my doubts...haha...

Ppl...this is a gd way to relieve stress when encountering ridiculously frustrating math problems...it helps...haha...looking at it jus wants to make me laugh...all tt pent up frustration channeled into colour and manifested on a piece of foolscap paper...i think i may have the potential to become an abstract artist...don't u think?...haha

The haze is terrible...so many ppl are already getting affected...Ppl better take care and drink more water...

can u'all jus shut up for once!!!!!!!!!!!! jus becos u dun see me studying like 8 hrs a day or jus becos i take a nap doesn't mean i've given up...i know wad happened last yr, i dun need u to constantly remind me...wad happened to "let's not stress her too much"...can u at least let me try once more before saying tt i have already dissapointed u guys, the exams are not even over yet for crying out loud!!! and its not exactly a morale booster telling me how dumb i am having to take 3 yrs...and i have nv stopped u from reading my smses...but there comes a point where it gets irritating...i have nth to hide from u so stop judging me after reading EVERY SINGLE ONE of my smses...if i have something to hide i wouldn't have let u read it all rite...and jus becos some msgs are like tt doesn't mean i'm distracted by anything...i know wad is gg on now and i know wad my priorities are...can u at least give me some credit for tt!!!!!!!!!!! and me keeping mum when u guys ramble on doesn't mean i turn a deaf ear to everything...its jus tt i dun see the point in answering u guys cos it'll only lead to a quarrel of how i should have listened to u guys and the digging up of past issues...wad has choosing to go to EM2 instead of EM1 back in pri sch have anything to do with me taking the a'levels now???!!!...and the com is close to me becos i am able to type all these crap and it wouldn't criticize me on wad a lousy human being i am...if u guys are so unhappy den jus freaking kill me la!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!