Update for the next 3 days!

Wed:   

• Hari Raya Hol! (thank god), but gotta fix up the shoe cabinet and shelving units once delivered =(
• Prep for HS315 presentation
• Mug for HS315 quiz
• Prac for Amanda's item
• Girl's Night (which i probably have to miss to come up with my presentation ad mug for the damn quiz! URGH!)

Thurs: 

• HS315 presentation (presenting so late in the sem when i signed up for a much earlier presentation timeslot, thanks Mr Saidul Islam! i officially hate you!) 
• HS315 quiz...dunno what in the world he's gonna test us on...if its acronyms again i swear his teaching review at the end of the sem is gonna be 2 pages long! don't expect positive reviews from me or from any of the yr 4s or probably anyone taking your mod for that matter!
• Submit Ethics form when things ain't exactly finalized, it'd be cool to see how i pull this one off
• PA rehearsal (missing out on MJ! freakin' dope week of choreo project! DANG!)

Fri:

• CS816 quiz, a whopping 25% for which we probably only attended 2 lectures, thank god we SU-ed it, my 1st SU in my entire uni life...
• PA rehearsal

i'm kinda scared i can't pull through thurs...plus there's still 3 more summaries to submit for HS306...film review for HS315 due on 2nd dec, our HS306 documentary should be due sometime soon as well...plus FYP and its final report sometime end dec...all these plus exams which i have not started studying for!

i think without the damn HS315 presentation i wouldn't be so stressed...i hate preparing/presenting for something that i know i'm gonna do a shit job in...its just so dry and i honestly learn close to zilch from him...HELL! the dude plays vids from youtube and uses it as his teaching material!!! as a sociologist hasn't he heard of propaganda, essentialism through media?! his vids and certain statements in his lectures are seriously highly debatable! so i'm supposed to write a summary and critique on top of the presentation (i understand its part of the assessment criteria, as do other mods demand), BUT the only critiques i have, are of certain sweeping statements he makes! how am i supposed to score when the only substantial critiques i have are against the lecturer's words! but i have to suck it all up and still present cos  i'll be freakin' graded! URGH! i hate studying for mods i don't learn anything in...and dear Mr Saidul Islam has the honor of being the first to ever make me feel this way...

i couldn't take it and wandered around...sch ain't the only thing weighing me down...i suddenly felt so overwhelmed...took the path we always took again...i hate the fact that i was walking it alone...

i have never felt so helpless or vulnerable or felt this much hatred for school work...no matter how stressed or how things always came tgt at the worst timings possible, i always managed to make it through without feeling this much stress...i would always tell myself that no matter what, it has to be done and i can do it...but everything seems so dismal this time round, maybe i never knew it till now, but maybe you were the pillar that i always leaned myself against...thinking that no matter how hard things were, we got through it...even with nth to eat we still survived, what more about a damn essay...no matter what shit life threw in our face, you managed to keep us afloat, that last minute salvation, making everything seem worthwhile...but i seem to have lost the ability to see the value in a whole lot of things now that your gone...i don't know whether its an excuse, but i have been feeling this way...ever since you left...

i've been living life through the motions that have been structured for me...but i derive no joy in it...i honestly feel empty...i don't know why i'm doing the things i do, and i have nv felt this way before and honestly, its freaking me out...