i needa DE-FATTEN myself ASAP!!! or i might just DE-AAAAYYYYEEEEE!!!

i haven't exactly been exercising for the longest time..and i can't help that i'm a sucker for food!!!

i think i might be heading back to my sec sch days of UN-SUMMABLE (probably isn't a word, but feels so freakin' apt) CHINS if i don't do something bout it!! YIKES!!!

Santa can you hear me?! I have tried my best to be good this year..i think i did a fairly decent job..all i wish for x'mas is if ya could give me the drive i had 2 years back to lose all tt freakin weight AGAIN..if it comes in the form of tt kinda emotional crap again..i'm definitely more than able to work it off!!!
Santa hear my plea of desperation!!!

In case Santa doesn't exist, i needa bust my fat ass off the damn dining chair! and WORK IT!

Now i know why boxing day comes after x'mas..it all makes sense..

ok...so i deviated from reading 306..what's new..the chats were more fulfilling..lol..

so some say i have changed..i have lost that insane bit in me..the person tt would randomly come up with weird antics and totally legitimize its execution..the one that would run around trying to catch a freakin floating plastic bag and make it a competition with the prize being the joy of tearing up the freakin' bag..and then laugh like a freakin psycho..doesn't make sense? yup..don't understand why i did that either..probably just for the fun of it..

they said they used to come to me whenever they had problems cos i would always be able to cheer them up and make them go insane and forget whatever was bogging them down..now its more like cos i would lay things out and rationalize them..

i have matured right? but somehow it doesn't seem to be fun anymore..

I NEED TO DO SOMETHING CRAZY!!!

heard an unfortunate piece of news..i guess its all part and parcel of life, and we all know that its just a matter of time..but we never do expect it to happen so soon..the loss of a loved one seems beyond comprehension..but when it actually happens,  we have no choice but to come to terms with the fact that death means "never coming back"..things have and will consequently change..hope you and your family have the courage to pull through this tough period..things will get better in time; better ain't the best, but its an improvement from the worst..

words of comfort appreciated but mime,
resounding pain in heart and mind.
misread futures rewrite in lieu,
nothing can replace a now fading image of you..


stages will pass and so will time,
moving on without leaving behind..

got to know this individual by chance and am really inspired by his drive to pursue his passion..he's so determined to get what he wants and ya can tell that he really puts in his utmost effort in every single opportunity and chance that presents itself to him..i can only wish i had half the guts and drive to fuel my own passions..its ppl like him that are really deserving..i really hope all goes well for him later today..

am really happy for a certain someone and tt other someone..i feel like a happy mama..lol..pls cherish each other..don't worry bout what-ifs and what-nots..what matters is what's-now..ya both really love (ya can kill me for using this but i don't care..lol) each other so there's nth else that should override this base..

got to know the story of a certain someone..i really hope he sees the light soon before its too late..i know its hard and all..but he really needs to be by his mum's side..she really needs him right now and so does he..ya she may yell and make it a living hell...i've been thru that, but underneath it all she's hurting as much as he is..they really need to help each other tide thru this trying period..we feel sad for him and really hope he comes out of it well..its gd tt he's changed in certain ways, but i really hope he and his mama can be there for each other..as much as he's feeling empty, she's feeling the same..in fact, maybe even on a greater magnitude (she's the one who's spent the longest and most personal times with him)..i know what its like losing a dad, and it ain't easy for the family..but sticking tgt really helps..as sadistic as it sounds, knowing someone else is gg thru the same pain and needs to heal the same wounds does help..it makes you feel that ya gotta be stronger for the other family member..don't want him to be suffering the pain i'm gg thru now and live in regret..i guess all we can do now is to pray for him and his mum..

Note to Lee Shu Ling!!!
Roomie!!! thanks for being there for me! if ya weren't there for me to talk to yest, i probably would have died from drowning in my own tears! i know we really talk alot of shit, bitch bout others, and make fun of each other at every singe opportunity we get, but deep down we care for each other..i cannot say this in ya face cos i would really feel like puking, but i'm really glad we became roomies and i got the chance to know you apart from being 1/4 of our VIP gang back in the heyday..i have really seen you change over the years and i'm really happy for you..you've matured..i swear! i'm not saying you were immature to begin with la...but ya get what i mean right? and our range of topics suddenly widened this week lol..and i'm glad we could talk bout those incidents..don't make fun of me, cos we both experienced the same thing..and all tt your worrying bout now should not take precedence over ya know what right? EXAMS! (what were ya thinking huh? TEEHEE) Babi Ponteh! i crave kaoyu so bad i think they might needa put me in rehab to curb my withdrawal symptoms!

one thing i learnt from this past yr and all that has happened is to live for the NOW..and not be afraid to feel..if i'm angry now i'd yell, if i'm sad i'd just freakin wail, if i'm happy god knows what i'll do..i may appear insane emotionally, but who's to define what's sane..no ones knows what they are actually doing, so i choose to live out my sanity as such and ya might probably be the insane one if ya think otherwise..

for now..i can't freakin wait for exams and the fyp report to be over so i can settle the family probs and just escape to somewhere to take a breather from all that is (soon to be was) 2010..

Ok..this is probably the most incoherent post ever, but coherency lies in it being a part of a day in my life..

reblogged this on tumblr...

was just talking to charlene bout how songs aptly surface when ya place them on shuffle mode...well my hp came up with the following in this order earlier today:

1) Dance with my father - Luther Vandross
2) Always Remember - Train
3) All I want For Christmas Is You - Lady Antebellum
4) Talking To The Moon - Bruno Mars
5) Officially Missing You - Tamia
6) I'll Stand By You - The Pretenders

Theme songs for that still picture..the words hit more than u'll ever know..

Sitting here using my laptop trying to mug with my music on..u used to walk in through that exact door and ask me to stop whatever i was doing and go have dinner..the image is so vivid that it seems so real..its freaky, but at the same time how i wish it's real..

every year during x'mas you'd play all the x'mas albums through your precious hi-fi system which would fill the house with the feeling of x'mas..then u'd walk around the house doing "i don't know what"..lol..i rmb when we were younger we would bug you to drive us down orchard road to see the christmas decorations after we were done with dinner..years on, you were the one asking us whether we wanted to look at the christmas lightings after dinner..we said it was lame and we would rather stay at home and watch tv or go out with our frens while you and ma stayed home..i always found it uncool to be spending x'mas at home while my frens were out getting intoxicated..

only now do i realize that a simple glass of ice cream soda and "hands" brand peanuts, infront of the tv, watching one after another of them Prince Trust or Elton John Concerts and wailing along with the songs we knew too well, is all i wish for this x'mas...


all i want for x'mas is you..too bad santa's gonna disappoint..

today was kinda productive..managed to finish up 217..but still gotta go through it again tml to commit it to memory! and have i mentioned how much i hate memorizing?! oh well..part and parcel of uni (no)life..

rewarded myself with Step Up 2 thanks to channel 5! =) the last time i caught it i hadn't really started learning dance..now i kinda appreciate it more..

i still rmb catching Step Up after the A's..digged up this bit of my old blog post back in 2006!


"went for an interview this afternoon...hopefully i can get a job soon...there's just so many things awaiting me...driving,shopping,swimming and newly added on the list...DANCING!!!...i know it so doesn't sound like me...but i'm so affected by "STEP UP"...ridiculously the fire alarm went off halfway through the movie yet nobody moved at all...if there was a real fire all of us would have probably died la..."


REALIZATION!!!! I HAD ALREADY FALLEN IN LOVE WITH DANCE BACK IN 2006! 
i rmb discussing with justin bout taking up hip hop dance classes back then but nv knew how to go bout taking up classes..left it hanging till i entered NTU and joined hall dance..then i got inspired..but the thought of joining MJ nv did cross my mind..nv dared..i was temtped but didn't have the guts..then so many things happened in 2009 and i told myself to live for myself and just try doing things for myself for once..amongst many things, i tried out of MJ and managed to squeeze myself in..now i think i'm kinda in love with dance..


so many things to do after exams..post exams plan always seem so exciting..must be relativity hard at work..

i thought of something today..and i really hope i have the ability to see it through..

Went for the UWB showcase last night! it was seriously worth the $38 bucks that i must rmb to return to  chun chun!!! It was really a night full of dance talents! Dancers not only from singapore, but also from around the region as well as from norway and the U.S!!! JATB was tight! United Groover's item was nice..Erwin's choreo was just beautiful..and pat's "shake it for me daddy" was so fun! Nappytabs finale item was DA BOMB!!! seriously speechless..so happy to see MJ ppl in the item! Alex, Apple, and Yongkai and all the crazily fun ppl we met through PA..

All the dancers are so nice! i mean they have no airs about them..Nappytabs gave standing ovations..and all the other Dope dancers Elm, Beau, Will, Vibe Team and all were so down to earth..everyone's like one big dance family..as cliche as it may sound, i think i truly feel the 3 words "United We Boogie"..dancers feel each other and when we come together we enjoy each other's company and the love for dance just flows and fills every individual with that indescribable sense of "shiok-ness"..when dancers unite, it seriously feels like BOOGIE TIME!!!

Missed out on community classes due to HS315 film review and HS306 summaries..though my 1st paper starts next sat, i told myself i must try out Elm's class..although i'm freakin scared cos i'm a noob, but i wanna experience it! after that its head buried deep into my notes till 21st dec!!! then liberation!!! =)

i dreamt of Jesus..he sorta spoke to me..he was reassuring me..something along the lines of:


"i know what ya gg through..trust in me..now i'm your father..we'll get through this tgt.." 


i woke up in tears..it felt so real..it kinda freaked me out, but yet at the same time i felt a certain sense of relief..i don't dare to tell my mum n bro bought this cos they're already concerned bout me backsliding in our place of spiritual practice..but i feel like i should do something..i dunno..oh man..