it happened 5 times today..

first was when i headed to where we scattered Pa's ashes..its gonna be a year the 23rd of this month..i'm still struggling to come to terms with it..

then coming home to see the bills and what i have to face in the really near future..i keep telling myself that i'm gonna settle it all and look after the fam..i keep psyching myself up..but i'm really afraid i might not be up to it..what if i don't make it..made me think back of how much effort and hardwork Pa must have went thru to provide for us..

then the movie reminded me of Pa yet again..its crazy how everything can remind me of him..

then on the walk back..thinking back on the times with Pa..how he gave us such a gd life in the initial stages..how he made sure we had nth but the best..falling from riches to rags, rags to riches and riches to rags time and again..but still trying his best to give us what we not only needed, but wanted..will i be able to do so and take on this huge responsibility now?

lastly, just a while ago..B is really gg thru alot..it sucks tt i understand how he feels but i can't help..it sucks that someone is gg through different yet similar misery and i can't help..i feel even worse for C..either way things go, its gonna hurt..i hate it when i see ppl in misery and i can't do anything to help..

why is it that we all have to be stuck in such horrible scenarios..

i ain't christian or buddhist or whatever religion...but tonight i make a prayer..

this silent prayer made tonight
rest the eyes of those in pain
heal the heart of those screamin'
set the tune to make it right
it has to start getting better..
can it start tonight?