so its morning and i haven't slept...

ma has been rushing me to get a job even though my last paper just ended only 4 DAYS AGO!!! bills coming in, i'm being told what i needa settle..which is a hell lot..dammit...and even if i  agree to start work like next week, who in the world is gonna hire me so soon when i haven't even officially graduated! sheesh! my results are nowhere near spectacular, so i'm probably gonna have to fight for a job in the same fashion i fought my way into uni..all this fighting..is getting fuckin tiring!

i keep telling myself i know i can do this shit! i'm so gonna clear it and make sure we live a proper life from now on, i'm not hopeful of going back to the really good times, i don't think i'm that capable, but i wanna make sure we live in sufficient comfort..right now i'm honestly freaking scared..i'm doing this alone and if i fail, that is probably gonna mark the end..i ain't being negative here, i am most definitely trying, but..fear is legit i suppose..

but i don't care! even if it kills me, i must get my fat sorry ass outta here for at least a short break..i believe i deserve a breather before i submerge myself into this shit-hole..hell! i'm gonna be stuck in it for the next few yrs! damn! C and i must make it somewhere and we're gonna do it based on our own efforts!

glad C settled things with B, though i doubt things would have changed much for him, well hope he gains awareness, acts upon what he knows and gets himself out of this rut..i'm glad that C faced it as hard as it was..

well sleepless nights ain't exactly an anomaly for me...prepared a full breakfast for ma and myself..got the printer up n running wirelessly, did laundry..sorted out the camera cabinet, cleared out more of Pa's stuff..cleared out some of the stuff from the library area..washed the balcony..now its time to stone..before ma nags at me to do something again...

i swear i didn't sign up for this, hell, if life came with a warning label or disclaimer i certainly missed it out!