so today was the day..i knew this day would come..it's been nearly a yr now..we're all struggling on our own..trying to do our best for each other..trying to stay strong for each other..suppressing any pain we have so as not to affect each other..never talking bout how much it hurts..or how hard we're all trying to move on..today it happened..we lashed out at each other, screaming and crying..all expressing how can we not understand each other..how can we not understand what each of us are going through..each crying our hearts out..we're all really hurting inside..and it hurts even more knowing how each of us are suffering and still struggling to cope with things..the house was silent for a few hours..with each of us crying in our own corners, feeling that we let each other down..feeling that we let Pa down by not sticking together, by not being there for each other..it hurts so bad..we really miss Pa..i thought i could hold it all in..but i failed..i really wish for us to break out of this..we're all trying our best but things just don't seem to be in our favour..Pa used to handle all this on his own..providing for us no matter how tough things got..nv crying regardless of the odds..only crying when i left for Beijing and when Ken had to enlist..cos he really missed us and i wasn't there for him when he needed me the most..that would be my biggest regret in life..not being there for my dad while he was slowly slipping away..i'd do anything to get him back..i'm so scared i won't be able to do this..i've never felt so helpless and scared in my entire life and its freaking me out..i don't want us to hurt anymore..the 3 of us need to be a happy family..a happy family for Pa..