Her.take.on.life

2012-01-05T15:44:00.000+08:00

Maxar video 2 of 2

Miss those days...

2012-01-05T15:29:00.000+08:00

Super old memories of Maxar - Video 1 of 2

Haven't used this blog in the longest time..

2011-05-27T05:28:00.000+08:00

heard ma crying again tonight..it hurts so bad..i really miss pa too..recorded this under the blanket, whispering, hoping ma wouldn't hear me..i couldn't help it..i had to sing out the pain..it was too much to bear..

http://hertakeonlife.tumblr.com/post/5875398720

tears wiped, its time to dream..

2011-05-26T01:56:00.000+08:00

today i went for an interview for the position of conference producer. initially i thought it'd be all administrative stuff like making sure there'd be enough chairs and such, but its more than that. if i get accepted, i'd be able to organize my own conference from scratch, sounds like hard work, but i love busying myself by doing things, organizing and all..the only downside is that 2/3 thirds of the conferences are finance-related, a field i have no experience in whatsoever, but i'll try my best..for the next round of interview i needa come up with a conference on risk management! yikes! i understand the social aspect but not the actual workings and terms...dang! research time!!! i guess finance-related conferences are where the monies come from..read up a little and i feel like investing!

hopefully i get this job and from there i can save up and gain more knowledge to make sound investments to clear off this study loan and everything else ASAP.

i like having things to do (stating this in opposition to feeling useless and bored)

gd day today! =)

2011-05-23T06:37:00.000+08:00

Today marks a year that Pa has moved on to a better place..i initially thought of writing about how Pa has been the core foundation of our life and how he has helped me be the person i have become, in a positive manner, but i don't think i would be able to make it through the first few lines..instead..here's something Pa wrote about 6 years back..

Background: Pa had never gone to university because ah gong would only pay for his uni fees if he studied accountancy, but he had a longing for the arts, literature, political science, all of which were shunned as being impractical..so after becoming his own man with a wife and 2 kids, he decided give it a shot, to try for a Masters in Education, Power and Policy..he articulated his views well and his lived experience got him to where he wanted to be..he got accepted..alas he gave up his dream of getting a degree, a masters at that, just so he could continue to work to provide for us..this was on his cover letter to the university..

"Why Education"

It's about life, it's for life
It starts with what gives life.
Before life, after life.
Spirit lives on.
Knowledge
Light.

It's the human spirit.
What gives human spirit
What's not positive
What's positive.
Darkness then light. There's no darkness, just no Light.

What's giving that's not taking
What's love that's strict and compassionate at the ame time
Light.

Teach and be taught
Caring for others as they do us
Love
Training and disciplining essential
Edution with love, Great Love

Attitude to absorb
Humility to learn
Taking the lower seat, receiving...
Like a teacup from the teapot

Emptying oneself like a wine glass only to taste new wine
Open, Sharing, Giving
Happiness

-Original Thoughts by Chua Alvin, 3rd May 2005-

2011-05-19T04:04:00.000+08:00

so today was the day..i knew this day would come..it's been nearly a yr now..we're all struggling on our own..trying to do our best for each other..trying to stay strong for each other..suppressing any pain we have so as not to affect each other..never talking bout how much it hurts..or how hard we're all trying to move on..today it happened..we lashed out at each other, screaming and crying..all expressing how can we not understand each other..how can we not understand what each of us are going through..each crying our hearts out..we're all really hurting inside..and it hurts even more knowing how each of us are suffering and still struggling to cope with things..the house was silent for a few hours..with each of us crying in our own corners, feeling that we let each other down..feeling that we let Pa down by not sticking together, by not being there for each other..it hurts so bad..we really miss Pa..i thought i could hold it all in..but i failed..i really wish for us to break out of this..we're all trying our best but things just don't seem to be in our favour..Pa used to handle all this on his own..providing for us no matter how tough things got..nv crying regardless of the odds..only crying when i left for Beijing and when Ken had to enlist..cos he really missed us and i wasn't there for him when he needed me the most..that would be my biggest regret in life..not being there for my dad while he was slowly slipping away..i'd do anything to get him back..i'm so scared i won't be able to do this..i've never felt so helpless and scared in my entire life and its freaking me out..i don't want us to hurt anymore..the 3 of us need to be a happy family..a happy family for Pa..

2011-05-17T05:40:00.002+08:00

these few days my principles keep getting tested..i really wanna take a short breather somewhere, and frens asking me to go on hols with them and are willing to fork out muula for me..i appreciate the gesture, but its really against my morals..i can't bring myself to enjoy myself using my frens' money..i understand ya guys feel i need the break, but it just doesn't sit right with me, i'll feel worse going there n holidaying on ya money..though i sooo badly wanna go for a breather..the best thing ya guys can do for me is to enjoy on my behalf yeah? don't feel bad leaving me here, i am honestly fine, i whine, but i accept tt i have other things to prioritise above this..though its a weee bit of a depressing matter, through this, the realization that i have frens like ya guys who care for me..just really makes me happy..i'm so glad tt i have frens like ya guys..thanks =)

yesterday, the talk with C really..ya..i'm trying my best n i'm progressing..though its the least of my worries now, i'll try my best to let my guard down n be more open n willing to try next time..i promise..

after all tt talk with C, you surfaced..kinda interesting how events take place..well..it really ain't ya fault..there were really good times n i thank ya for them, i really do..those not so positive moments, we take them in stride yeah? thanks for the great memories..now its time we make new ones on our own yeah? don't worry bout me, yeah i'm kinda going thru alot now, but i promise ya i'll be fine..and the pact doesn't stand anymore! stop thinking bout it! its not healthy! ya got a new pact to stick by! anyway thanks for standing up for me time and again..she's such a bitch..i thnk she knows..hahahaha..

tml's another day..live it..

2011-05-15T12:12:00.000+08:00

so its morning and i haven't slept...

ma has been rushing me to get a job even though my last paper just ended only 4 DAYS AGO!!! bills coming in, i'm being told what i needa settle..which is a hell lot..dammit...and even if i agree to start work like next week, who in the world is gonna hire me so soon when i haven't even officially graduated! sheesh! my results are nowhere near spectacular, so i'm probably gonna have to fight for a job in the same fashion i fought my way into uni..all this fighting..is getting fuckin tiring!

i keep telling myself i know i can do this shit! i'm so gonna clear it and make sure we live a proper life from now on, i'm not hopeful of going back to the really good times, i don't think i'm that capable, but i wanna make sure we live in sufficient comfort..right now i'm honestly freaking scared..i'm doing this alone and if i fail, that is probably gonna mark the end..i ain't being negative here, i am most definitely trying, but..fear is legit i suppose..

but i don't care! even if it kills me, i must get my fat sorry ass outta here for at least a short break..i believe i deserve a breather before i submerge myself into this shit-hole..hell! i'm gonna be stuck in it for the next few yrs! damn! C and i must make it somewhere and we're gonna do it based on our own efforts!

glad C settled things with B, though i doubt things would have changed much for him, well hope he gains awareness, acts upon what he knows and gets himself out of this rut..i'm glad that C faced it as hard as it was..

well sleepless nights ain't exactly an anomaly for me...prepared a full breakfast for ma and myself..got the printer up n running wirelessly, did laundry..sorted out the camera cabinet, cleared out more of Pa's stuff..cleared out some of the stuff from the library area..washed the balcony..now its time to stone..before ma nags at me to do something again...

i swear i didn't sign up for this, hell, if life came with a warning label or disclaimer i certainly missed it out!

2011-05-14T04:51:00.002+08:00

the heart informs the eyes that pain needs to flow..today, i have let it go..

2011-05-14T04:44:00.000+08:00

it happened 5 times today..

first was when i headed to where we scattered Pa's ashes..its gonna be a year the 23rd of this month..i'm still struggling to come to terms with it..

then coming home to see the bills and what i have to face in the really near future..i keep telling myself that i'm gonna settle it all and look after the fam..i keep psyching myself up..but i'm really afraid i might not be up to it..what if i don't make it..made me think back of how much effort and hardwork Pa must have went thru to provide for us..

then the movie reminded me of Pa yet again..its crazy how everything can remind me of him..

then on the walk back..thinking back on the times with Pa..how he gave us such a gd life in the initial stages..how he made sure we had nth but the best..falling from riches to rags, rags to riches and riches to rags time and again..but still trying his best to give us what we not only needed, but wanted..will i be able to do so and take on this huge responsibility now?

lastly, just a while ago..B is really gg thru alot..it sucks tt i understand how he feels but i can't help..it sucks that someone is gg through different yet similar misery and i can't help..i feel even worse for C..either way things go, its gonna hurt..i hate it when i see ppl in misery and i can't do anything to help..

why is it that we all have to be stuck in such horrible scenarios..

i ain't christian or buddhist or whatever religion...but tonight i make a prayer..

this silent prayer made tonight
rest the eyes of those in pain
heal the heart of those screamin'
set the tune to make it right
it has to start getting better..
can it start tonight?

2011-04-02T02:43:00.000+08:00

i've been told to grow up,

i've been told to be less serious and enjoy life,

i've been told to be more serious and take control of my life,

i've been told to smile more like i used to,

i've been told to move on,

i've been told to explore my options,

i've been told to give others a chance,

i've been told to be more approachable,

i've been told to say no to others,

i've been told to stop being nice,

i've been told to stop being mean,

i've been told to stop thinking too much,

i've been told to think less for myself,

i've been told to think more for myself,

i've been told to stop helping others,

i've been told to relax,

i've been told to give myself more stress..

i hear all of this, but who really listens to how i actually feel?

2011-03-16T04:02:00.001+08:00

Today i had the best belated b'day celebration ever! cos i know the amount of thought and effort that went into planning the day! although things didn't go as plan its really alright! Maybe i'm just not fated with doggies..lol

Instead of a doggy day, we engaged in serious discussions following which we then headed to Carousel! =) I can't believe you actually thought of taking a cab there la! (from orchard mrt lei!) hahahahaha..the spread, especially dessert spread was nice and as usual, we ate like pigs and talked bout stuff..

oh i have to mention this! while we were queing up at the buffet line, this insensitive bitch said this: "WA! so many people! they come from japan ah? earthquake then come here to eat" and she repeated it twice! SERIOUSLY! i wanted to slap her!!! WTF is her problem?! Where is her sense of humanity! and her equally insensitive fren had the cheek to laugh! She thinks she's so witty coming up with such a line huh?! SERIOUSLY! such ppl DISGUST ME!!! to make things worse, they were sitting at the table behind us!..thank god the food was able to keep me distracted and it was too delicious for me to waste it by stuffing it down their insensitive throats! oh well..unfortunately such ppl exist..

well..after over-eating we decided to work it off..so we shopped around..let's just say it was a somewhat fruitful trip =)

Thanks so much for the day!!! i really appreciate it!!! thoughts and efforts and company are immaterial gifts that i gladly accept and value way over other things!!! as cliche as it sounds, but tt's my standpoint =) THANKS AGAIN!

sidenote:
my dear ou xiang has just given me another reason to admire her! Stoofi just threw out an idea on getting dancers to come tgt in a joint effort to do something for Japan and within 48 hrs DANCE FOR JAPAN was formed! =) i'm glad to be a part of this so i can do my bit too..wanted to do something but didn't know how to go about helping and stoofi provided this avenue. The ex-co is now working hard to realize our goals of the concert in 3 weeks time and we will get there with the help of kind partners! Everyone is so passionate about the cause and its so heartwarming to see dancers all working through to the wee hours to stage this event to help raise awareness for the avenues through which the greater public can do their bit for Japan too! =)

Apart from FYP, this week is off to a great start! =)

2011-03-13T03:59:00.000+08:00

ok...as expected..i only blog when i'm feeling down..its not that i haven't been happy..in fact these past few weeks i've really been quite happy...but reality has to kick in and wake me u from my dream..

i hate this bit about me..i only put effort into things that i really wanna do..other than tt i kinda heck the rest..well..fyp's been one of tt..

so HOCC has ended..i really enjoyed the feeling of performing with SRETHGIE..we really did put up a gd one..see it to believe it.. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t8jDbk4XoCQ despite my slipped disc, i still wanted to be part of this..and i did..

why can't i apply the same determination to my fyp..a few setbacks and change of topics..hell i've encountered so much crap in my life, what's a few in FYP? i need to want this..i need to do this fyp..why the hell am i procrastinating this much? i have never procrastinated this much in my entire academic life..i thought FYP would be fun cos i would actually be able to study something i like and have fun doing it, but not having the opportunity to do so i switched topics and somehow things don't seem to be on my side at all..i keep telling myself and others not to worry and tt i'll pull through..i'll do it..i'll make it good..but i'm seriously starting to have my doubts..just like how i thought i could do well in dance despite my slipped disc, i still can't excel..even without my slipped disc i ain't exactly good..urgh!

everytime i want to do something, i'm met with setbacks and this puts me off..then i chuck it aside and find something to immerse myself in, escape into..i found this in dance..but i NEED to get things done! why is it that my passion lies outside of what is required of me?.. i know everyone faces the same problem and is able to suck it up and deal with it..i guess i am just not up to it..i have 30 days to hand in an FYP..maybe i really should do something easy..but the C grade really might kill..but what difference does it make? i ain't exactly a top student..

urgh! insufficiencies just plague me!

2011-02-17T01:31:00.000+08:00

i am actually really quite fearful of how things might pan out..
yet at the same time, hopes of the ideal still plague me..
its at times like this that i wish i could really be a pure instrumentalist..no ambition, no ideal, no risk-taking, limited creativity..just going through the motion of things to satisfy what is required..why can't i just settle?! are my thoughts really that far off that no one is willing to think or talk about?

MOE encourages creativity, thinking out of the box, probing into unknown areas to find out and learn more..i attempt to take a step in that direction and get shot down just because others are not willing to open up..Singapore keeps talking about promoting creativity and encouraging its youth to push boundaries, question what others seldom even bother fathom..but is Singapore's society really ready for such rude awakenings? With institutions apparently trying to push for progress but society limiting its actualization, how can one not feel "sardined"?!

this stand..is it really what i should be taking? its hard suppressing agency..why can't i be more of a conformist?! why can't i be more passive?! why must i think and question?! what good has it done for me?!

"Wa Lau Eh, You think so much for what?! Nobody care one what, like that means like that la, question for what?"

its just so sad that human intellect is limited by such means..

2010-12-26T04:27:00.001+08:00

i needa DE-FATTEN myself ASAP!!! or i might just DE-AAAAYYYYEEEEE!!!

i haven't exactly been exercising for the longest time..and i can't help that i'm a sucker for food!!!

i think i might be heading back to my sec sch days of UN-SUMMABLE (probably isn't a word, but feels so freakin' apt) CHINS if i don't do something bout it!! YIKES!!!

Santa can you hear me?! I have tried my best to be good this year..i think i did a fairly decent job..all i wish for x'mas is if ya could give me the drive i had 2 years back to lose all tt freakin weight AGAIN..if it comes in the form of tt kinda emotional crap again..i'm definitely more than able to work it off!!!
Santa hear my plea of desperation!!!

In case Santa doesn't exist, i needa bust my fat ass off the damn dining chair! and WORK IT!

Now i know why boxing day comes after x'mas..it all makes sense..

2010-12-18T16:11:00.000+08:00

ok...so i deviated from reading 306..what's new..the chats were more fulfilling..lol..

so some say i have changed..i have lost that insane bit in me..the person tt would randomly come up with weird antics and totally legitimize its execution..the one that would run around trying to catch a freakin floating plastic bag and make it a competition with the prize being the joy of tearing up the freakin' bag..and then laugh like a freakin psycho..doesn't make sense? yup..don't understand why i did that either..probably just for the fun of it..

they said they used to come to me whenever they had problems cos i would always be able to cheer them up and make them go insane and forget whatever was bogging them down..now its more like cos i would lay things out and rationalize them..

i have matured right? but somehow it doesn't seem to be fun anymore..

I NEED TO DO SOMETHING CRAZY!!!

2010-12-18T03:36:00.001+08:00

heard an unfortunate piece of news..i guess its all part and parcel of life, and we all know that its just a matter of time..but we never do expect it to happen so soon..the loss of a loved one seems beyond comprehension..but when it actually happens, we have no choice but to come to terms with the fact that death means "never coming back"..things have and will consequently change..hope you and your family have the courage to pull through this tough period..things will get better in time; better ain't the best, but its an improvement from the worst..

words of comfort appreciated but mime,
resounding pain in heart and mind.
misread futures rewrite in lieu,
nothing can replace a now fading image of you..

stages will pass and so will time,
moving on without leaving behind..

2010-12-17T01:58:00.000+08:00

got to know this individual by chance and am really inspired by his drive to pursue his passion..he's so determined to get what he wants and ya can tell that he really puts in his utmost effort in every single opportunity and chance that presents itself to him..i can only wish i had half the guts and drive to fuel my own passions..its ppl like him that are really deserving..i really hope all goes well for him later today..

am really happy for a certain someone and tt other someone..i feel like a happy mama..lol..pls cherish each other..don't worry bout what-ifs and what-nots..what matters is what's-now..ya both really love (ya can kill me for using this but i don't care..lol) each other so there's nth else that should override this base..

got to know the story of a certain someone..i really hope he sees the light soon before its too late..i know its hard and all..but he really needs to be by his mum's side..she really needs him right now and so does he..ya she may yell and make it a living hell...i've been thru that, but underneath it all she's hurting as much as he is..they really need to help each other tide thru this trying period..we feel sad for him and really hope he comes out of it well..its gd tt he's changed in certain ways, but i really hope he and his mama can be there for each other..as much as he's feeling empty, she's feeling the same..in fact, maybe even on a greater magnitude (she's the one who's spent the longest and most personal times with him)..i know what its like losing a dad, and it ain't easy for the family..but sticking tgt really helps..as sadistic as it sounds, knowing someone else is gg thru the same pain and needs to heal the same wounds does help..it makes you feel that ya gotta be stronger for the other family member..don't want him to be suffering the pain i'm gg thru now and live in regret..i guess all we can do now is to pray for him and his mum..

Note to Lee Shu Ling!!!
Roomie!!! thanks for being there for me! if ya weren't there for me to talk to yest, i probably would have died from drowning in my own tears! i know we really talk alot of shit, bitch bout others, and make fun of each other at every singe opportunity we get, but deep down we care for each other..i cannot say this in ya face cos i would really feel like puking, but i'm really glad we became roomies and i got the chance to know you apart from being 1/4 of our VIP gang back in the heyday..i have really seen you change over the years and i'm really happy for you..you've matured..i swear! i'm not saying you were immature to begin with la...but ya get what i mean right? and our range of topics suddenly widened this week lol..and i'm glad we could talk bout those incidents..don't make fun of me, cos we both experienced the same thing..and all tt your worrying bout now should not take precedence over ya know what right? EXAMS! (what were ya thinking huh? TEEHEE) Babi Ponteh! i crave kaoyu so bad i think they might needa put me in rehab to curb my withdrawal symptoms!

one thing i learnt from this past yr and all that has happened is to live for the NOW..and not be afraid to feel..if i'm angry now i'd yell, if i'm sad i'd just freakin wail, if i'm happy god knows what i'll do..i may appear insane emotionally, but who's to define what's sane..no ones knows what they are actually doing, so i choose to live out my sanity as such and ya might probably be the insane one if ya think otherwise..

for now..i can't freakin wait for exams and the fyp report to be over so i can settle the family probs and just escape to somewhere to take a breather from all that is (soon to be was) 2010..

Ok..this is probably the most incoherent post ever, but coherency lies in it being a part of a day in my life..

2010-12-15T22:50:00.000+08:00

reblogged this on tumblr...

was just talking to charlene bout how songs aptly surface when ya place them on shuffle mode...well my hp came up with the following in this order earlier today:

1) Dance with my father - Luther Vandross
2) Always Remember - Train
3) All I want For Christmas Is You - Lady Antebellum
4) Talking To The Moon - Bruno Mars
5) Officially Missing You - Tamia
6) I'll Stand By You - The Pretenders

Theme songs for that still picture..the words hit more than u'll ever know..

Sitting here using my laptop trying to mug with my music on..u used to walk in through that exact door and ask me to stop whatever i was doing and go have dinner..the image is so vivid that it seems so real..its freaky, but at the same time how i wish it's real..

every year during x'mas you'd play all the x'mas albums through your precious hi-fi system which would fill the house with the feeling of x'mas..then u'd walk around the house doing "i don't know what"..lol..i rmb when we were younger we would bug you to drive us down orchard road to see the christmas decorations after we were done with dinner..years on, you were the one asking us whether we wanted to look at the christmas lightings after dinner..we said it was lame and we would rather stay at home and watch tv or go out with our frens while you and ma stayed home..i always found it uncool to be spending x'mas at home while my frens were out getting intoxicated..

only now do i realize that a simple glass of ice cream soda and "hands" brand peanuts, infront of the tv, watching one after another of them Prince Trust or Elton John Concerts and wailing along with the songs we knew too well, is all i wish for this x'mas...

all i want for x'mas is you..too bad santa's gonna disappoint..

2010-12-10T01:06:00.001+08:00

today was kinda productive..managed to finish up 217..but still gotta go through it again tml to commit it to memory! and have i mentioned how much i hate memorizing?! oh well..part and parcel of uni (no)life..

rewarded myself with Step Up 2 thanks to channel 5! =) the last time i caught it i hadn't really started learning dance..now i kinda appreciate it more..

i still rmb catching Step Up after the A's..digged up this bit of my old blog post back in 2006!

"went for an interview this afternoon...hopefully i can get a job soon...there's just so many things awaiting me...driving,shopping,swimming and newly added on the list...DANCING!!!...i know it so doesn't sound like me...but i'm so affected by "STEP UP"...ridiculously the fire alarm went off halfway through the movie yet nobody moved at all...if there was a real fire all of us would have probably died la..."

REALIZATION!!!! I HAD ALREADY FALLEN IN LOVE WITH DANCE BACK IN 2006!
i rmb discussing with justin bout taking up hip hop dance classes back then but nv knew how to go bout taking up classes..left it hanging till i entered NTU and joined hall dance..then i got inspired..but the thought of joining MJ nv did cross my mind..nv dared..i was temtped but didn't have the guts..then so many things happened in 2009 and i told myself to live for myself and just try doing things for myself for once..amongst many things, i tried out of MJ and managed to squeeze myself in..now i think i'm kinda in love with dance..

so many things to do after exams..post exams plan always seem so exciting..must be relativity hard at work..

2010-12-06T01:07:00.000+08:00

i thought of something today..and i really hope i have the ability to see it through..

2010-12-05T05:28:00.000+08:00

Went for the UWB showcase last night! it was seriously worth the $38 bucks that i must rmb to return to chun chun!!! It was really a night full of dance talents! Dancers not only from singapore, but also from around the region as well as from norway and the U.S!!! JATB was tight! United Groover's item was nice..Erwin's choreo was just beautiful..and pat's "shake it for me daddy" was so fun! Nappytabs finale item was DA BOMB!!! seriously speechless..so happy to see MJ ppl in the item! Alex, Apple, and Yongkai and all the crazily fun ppl we met through PA..

All the dancers are so nice! i mean they have no airs about them..Nappytabs gave standing ovations..and all the other Dope dancers Elm, Beau, Will, Vibe Team and all were so down to earth..everyone's like one big dance family..as cliche as it may sound, i think i truly feel the 3 words "United We Boogie"..dancers feel each other and when we come together we enjoy each other's company and the love for dance just flows and fills every individual with that indescribable sense of "shiok-ness"..when dancers unite, it seriously feels like BOOGIE TIME!!!

Missed out on community classes due to HS315 film review and HS306 summaries..though my 1st paper starts next sat, i told myself i must try out Elm's class..although i'm freakin scared cos i'm a noob, but i wanna experience it! after that its head buried deep into my notes till 21st dec!!! then liberation!!! =)

i dreamt of Jesus..he sorta spoke to me..he was reassuring me..something along the lines of:

"i know what ya gg through..trust in me..now i'm your father..we'll get through this tgt.."

i woke up in tears..it felt so real..it kinda freaked me out, but yet at the same time i felt a certain sense of relief..i don't dare to tell my mum n bro bought this cos they're already concerned bout me backsliding in our place of spiritual practice..but i feel like i should do something..i dunno..oh man..

2010-11-30T19:49:00.003+08:00

Ok..i'm getting all tech-geeky at the moment:

i'm currently using the motorola milestone which i love for the plain fact that it combines both a touch screen interface as well as a slim full slide-out qwerty keyboard...match made in heaven...plus its sleek all black matt finish tops it off...but unfortunately, its started to get all cranky on me...not too sure whether its due to the apps i've dl-ed...i'm bummed...i really hope its repairable...

Was randomly surfing the web when i found this!!!

Low and behold the iphone 4 keyboard buddy!!!:

i've always envied the numerous wonderful apps iphone users enjoy, but my desire for the realistic touch of the qwerty keyboard has made me loyal to my milestone...but Boxwave's latest iphone 4 keyboard buddy is wavering my loyalty...imagine all the iphone apps PLUS a physical qwerty keyboard...

Then i came across this:

the motorola milestone 2!!!

ok...i know it looks almost identical to the old milestone i have, but specs wise its on a whole new level...and it still comes with the sleek designed slide-out qwerty keyboard and touch screen interface...unfortunately it ain't matt black...but it comes with the new android 2.2 (froyo) and adobe flashplayer...and it can work as a wi-fi hotspot for up to 5 gadgets at once!
you should check out the video by motorola: http://www.youtube.com/user/motorola#p/u/10/iUaIHEPltAc

unfortunately its not slated for release in sg yet...and it'll probably cost a bomb when it arrives...
oh man...

2010-11-30T15:11:00.001+08:00

omg! i swear he's so freakin'n irritating! and disgusting! like HELLO!!! can you show some respect for my fren?! what is she to you? an object?! keep your disgusting comments to yourself! i thought i could let it slide by playing blind and deaf to your ah beng-ness and comments...but seriously! my fren has way better taste!!! and should not be subject to such an irksome individual!!!

and i hate it when stupid ppl think i'm dumb! i swear! i'm not trying to say i'm smart or anything, but its seriously insulting to be called stupid by a dumbass who thinks he knows it all (when he obviously doesn't)!!! If geoffery/chee han/shirley or HELL even Pluss thinks i'm dumb, i'm totally cool with it, cos these ppl have substance, they have a brain and they actually use it! Who the hell do you think you are acting all one-up when its obvious you're just talking all this big empty talk that you think we are impressed by when its so obvious its unsubstantiated BULL!!! and ya still had the cheek to order us around and think i don't understand what ya saying cos your explanation is too CHIM for stoopid me when you can't even understand simple things we discuss...just cos i don't speak up doesn't mean i'm retarded! its cos its not worth even that bit of energy to argue with someone as delusional as you! you don't do much and yet complain and ask us to do crap instead!!! SHEESH!!! THE AUDACITY!!!

i seriously was trying my best to control and not yell straight out at ya!

you don't seem to understand the definition of the word LIMITS! but yet ya seem to be able to push ours to the very end!!! URGH!!!

2010-11-24T03:16:00.000+08:00

just realized that my previous post was the 100th post...not a very positive post to mark the occassion, but...yeah...

well...sunday was really a rollercoaster ride...got really pissed off by some ppl in the morning to the point tt i didn't even bother holding back and really gave them a piece of my mind...but then caving in, but only for the sake of a fren they were there to support..who actually agrees with me on how horrid they are..lol...

thank god i had the wonderful MJ ppl around me after that to bask in the glories that is OSchool Recital 2010!!! it was really wonderful! the dancers really put on a fantabulous show! Ocrew was seriously Da Bomb! really loved the contemp piece as well as Zai and Jessica's collabo item...same choreo but done in 2 different styles but yet so seamlessly in sync..Ben's zombie item was really fun, so was the popping n locking item! but the popping item by ben was sriously the bomb! the one with the liang po po in it! it was hilariously funny yet displaying the stupendous talent that they possess...and Gin is seriously a dance goddess...no words can describe how great she is! lol..i have the utmost respect for ryan's talent..i really enjoyed the recital 2010 a whole lot! Props to OSchool for organizing such a great event! can't wait for 2011!!! (n we found out tt cute boy is only 17! lol)

Monday was spent home nursing an insane headache yet again, missing out on sashmi buffet..den slping a whole lot, then clearing the store room n installing new shelves..quite fulfilling..

Today, after 217, we spontaneously decided to catch a movie..armed with cornery, we ran under the rain just to watch "MEGAMIND"..lol..was far from the fantastic "Buried"=) but was just alright..had dinner with ma n headed home thereafter...love such unplanned series of activities with wonderful co.

only to realize my bro smoked...damn...

still owe amir summaries...but am gonna zoot off to slp...

2010-11-23T04:52:00.000+08:00

just watched a vid McCarl posted on fb...

A Letter From Mom And Dad...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qUAE0aYrUBA

It still hurts knowing your gone...i'm still having trouble coming to terms with the fact that your no longer here...

and i really hate myself for not being there for you in your last few mths...

all i can do now is cry whenever i miss you...

2010-11-17T02:41:00.000+08:00

Update for the next 3 days!

Wed:

Hari Raya Hol! (thank god), but gotta fix up the shoe cabinet and shelving units once delivered =(
Prep for HS315 presentation
Mug for HS315 quiz
Prac for Amanda's item
Girl's Night (which i probably have to miss to come up with my presentation ad mug for the damn quiz! URGH!)

Thurs:

HS315 presentation (presenting so late in the sem when i signed up for a much earlier presentation timeslot, thanks Mr Saidul Islam! i officially hate you!)
HS315 quiz...dunno what in the world he's gonna test us on...if its acronyms again i swear his teaching review at the end of the sem is gonna be 2 pages long! don't expect positive reviews from me or from any of the yr 4s or probably anyone taking your mod for that matter!
Submit Ethics form when things ain't exactly finalized, it'd be cool to see how i pull this one off
PA rehearsal (missing out on MJ! freakin' dope week of choreo project! DANG!)

Fri:

CS816 quiz, a whopping 25% for which we probably only attended 2 lectures, thank god we SU-ed it, my 1st SU in my entire uni life...
PA rehearsal

i'm kinda scared i can't pull through thurs...plus there's still 3 more summaries to submit for HS306...film review for HS315 due on 2nd dec, our HS306 documentary should be due sometime soon as well...plus FYP and its final report sometime end dec...all these plus exams which i have not started studying for!

i think without the damn HS315 presentation i wouldn't be so stressed...i hate preparing/presenting for something that i know i'm gonna do a shit job in...its just so dry and i honestly learn close to zilch from him...HELL! the dude plays vids from youtube and uses it as his teaching material!!! as a sociologist hasn't he heard of propaganda, essentialism through media?! his vids and certain statements in his lectures are seriously highly debatable! so i'm supposed to write a summary and critique on top of the presentation (i understand its part of the assessment criteria, as do other mods demand), BUT the only critiques i have, are of certain sweeping statements he makes! how am i supposed to score when the only substantial critiques i have are against the lecturer's words! but i have to suck it all up and still present cos i'll be freakin' graded! URGH! i hate studying for mods i don't learn anything in...and dear Mr Saidul Islam has the honor of being the first to ever make me feel this way...

i couldn't take it and wandered around...sch ain't the only thing weighing me down...i suddenly felt so overwhelmed...took the path we always took again...i hate the fact that i was walking it alone...

i have never felt so helpless or vulnerable or felt this much hatred for school work...no matter how stressed or how things always came tgt at the worst timings possible, i always managed to make it through without feeling this much stress...i would always tell myself that no matter what, it has to be done and i can do it...but everything seems so dismal this time round, maybe i never knew it till now, but maybe you were the pillar that i always leaned myself against...thinking that no matter how hard things were, we got through it...even with nth to eat we still survived, what more about a damn essay...no matter what shit life threw in our face, you managed to keep us afloat, that last minute salvation, making everything seem worthwhile...but i seem to have lost the ability to see the value in a whole lot of things now that your gone...i don't know whether its an excuse, but i have been feeling this way...ever since you left...

i've been living life through the motions that have been structured for me...but i derive no joy in it...i honestly feel empty...i don't know why i'm doing the things i do, and i have nv felt this way before and honestly, its freaking me out...

2010-11-12T02:44:00.002+08:00

Was really tired, but made it for MJ today...Enjoyed senior class choreo, loved the song..and best news of all! RED ALERT! RED ALERT! Pat said that they're tryin to get SHAUN EVARISTO to come down sometime early next year!!! AAAAHHHH!!!! I seriously hope it materializes!!! =)

i'm kinda into Bruno Mars at the moment..particularly "Today my life begins"...ya can hear it on my tumblr page http://hertakeonlife.tumblr.com/

his song "Talking To The Moon" reminded me of this...

Listen To Me

Alone at night I sit and write
Dreadful plight beyond the light
Tales to tell, but no one’s here to listen
Bright and cheerful as day may be
So am I, or so it seems
All I need is for you to listen

So hear me please…

I am just a girl, fragile as can be
Tough I may seem, but not underneath
Longing for someone to be there for me
Someone who’ll just listen to me

I lie awake away from serenity
The thoughts hit me like thunder and lightning
Resounding in my mind, pounding at my heart

Day breaks and so do I
Into pieces from tears shed last night
Pent up feelings with only me to bear

So hear me please…

I am just a girl, fragile as can be
Tough I may seem, but not underneath
Longing for someone to be there for me
Someone who’ll just listen to me

Where are you?
Come find me
Do you even exist?
Wake me up from my sub-consciousness!

I am just a girl, fragile as can be
Tough I may seem, but not underneath
Longing for someone to be there for me
Someone who’ll just listen to me

Would you listen to me?

2010-11-09T02:34:00.000+08:00

Well, it's Monday and i had no school, so i decided to cook something with whatever we had @ home...Cooking kinda has a therapeutic effect on me...i really enjoy trying to come up with new stuff...should make it a weekly thing =)

Spicy Pork Loin & Dou Miow Burger with Wholegrain Mustard Vinegrette

Puff Balls: 1) Apple Filling 2)Strawberry Yogurt Chocolate Filling served with Blueberry & Chocolate Sauce

Puff Ball: Strawberry Yogurt Chocolate

Puff Ball: Apple

Headed to Oschool for Xuehui and Zai's class...though i really enjoyed their classes, it made me realize that i really needa learn from the basics...i really look awkward when i dance...and can't seem to get my body to move where i know it should...MUST DO BETTER!!!

HS217 presentation tml...have seemed to lost the drive for sch...

2010-10-27T03:09:00.000+08:00

today's lect was interesting...all bout who we are, who we think we are, who others think we are, who we think we are in the eyes of others...the multiples selves as put forth...

it really got me thinking a whole lot...

ppl say i've changed...i know i have but is it necessarily bad? he said that only when we deem what others view of us as negative, will we develop this negative self-feeling...

but what about the dialogue between ourselves? the "Me" and "I"...was thinking through other aspects of myself, known only to few...this personal dialogue has raked up a somewhat negative self-feeling as well...but it ain't due to others impressions of me...its my impression of myself...and how i don't seem to understand "Me"...the reading mentions that only by truly experiencing the emotions, can one try to understand that particular dimension of one's self...i'm experiencing, but i don't understand...

what have i been doing?

to those who think i might have gone mad/emo thinking too far:
self-reflection isn't a sign of insanity, its what keeps one sane...its healthy...i guess i just reached another node which warrants such assesment...

2010-10-16T03:48:00.000+08:00

day with self...cooked, baked, ran, spent...

i really feel different...i feel that i have somewhat changed...i seem to be losing control in certain aspects...sometimes i don't really know why i do the things i do...and my rationalization process sets in only after i do something...this leaves plenty of room for regret...

i suddenly don't give a shit about alot more things apart from my already apparent aversion from my studies......i really feel as if i'm living each day as it comes...

what am i going to do after i grad? i really do not know...i don't even have the slightest clue...i'm just gonna live with what life deals me...

i used to be the happiest person that everyone was jealous of...always laughing and without a care in the world, tackling problems and being able to juggle everything in my life and still be able to have fun...there wasn't a day where i would go without crazy laughter...the kind that made ppl think i was hyperventilating...i haven't had that feeling for a really long time...

i kinda miss the old me...

i wanna dig her out from this worn-out shell...

i wanna be driven again, feel excited about things again, not be skeptical, be more trusting...

i wanna smile entirely from inside out!

i just wanna be happy again!!!

2010-10-12T03:36:00.000+08:00

this is the 1st and last time i'm gonna do something so stupid...how am i gonna survive tml...but these few weeks have seriously taken its toll on me and well, i caved in...

last night i dreamt of pa again...it was so real...i felt like i could just run up to him and touch him...i wanted to tell him everything that's going on right now, tell him how sad, how hurt, how low i've been feeling the past few weeks...he'd definitely understand, maybe bring me out for supper to talk to me, or maybe take out his guitar and sing a few songs, maybe a drive up to jb for the random carwash and road-side stall supper...he wouldn't hug me and tell me "everything's gonna be fine", he'd just lay everything out on the table and rationalize every aspect of it, including divine teachings along the way...and then tell me that i should always place family first cos family are the ppl who truly understand u...there may be a few friends that u can trust in, but never entirely trust all your friends, you may never know when they'd turn round and hurt you when you least expect it...a lesson i guess i've learnt the hard way...i always never listened to pa...i kept going on about how important friends were to me, choosing to spend more time with friends than family on many occasions...now i know...

i have friends around me that understand me and i'm seriously glad to have them around...those who have hurt me, well they've just hurt me...it sucks that i treasure friendship so much...if i didn't i wouldn't be feeling so horrible...

time and time again i wonder why do i bother to care so much for others...what good does it do for me!

i just feel that everyone has the right to feeling happy and getting what they want and deserve in life...i know what it feels like to feel unhappy and low and whatever negative emotions, thus if i can, i'd try to not let others experience such negative emotions, if i can help make others feel happier i'm also helping god establish his plan of making the world a better place...and that makes me happy too!

but what the hell am i doing wrong?! i never enter anything with ill-intentions...i always believe that everyone is inherently good and if they end up at the other end of the spectrum, there's bound to be a reason that pushed them all the way there...too simplistic a world vision? but god created everything simple, its man that complicated everything...i think its high time we revisit our origins and the world would seriously be a better place...

i realized that i only blog whenever i'm down...that has to change...

but what will never change is how much i miss you...

2010-10-11T03:29:00.000+08:00

what the shit is going on?!
i'm seriously sick and tired of all this crap!
there has got to be a limit to all this...
so much being thrown at me and all at once!
great! just great!

and what the hell did i do wrong in any of these contexts?!

if i really am in the wrong i would admit it and accept whatever's coming my way! but i don't see where i've gone wrong!

if i have, someone pls freaking tell me what the hell did i do wrong?! don't keep mum and bitch about me or whatever!

i hate being misjudged or misunderstood! n i treasure friendships...so don't make me lose faith in it all so easily!

2010-10-08T03:39:00.001+08:00

thoughts to be placed so deep within

voice seems to be heard but is never seen

truth is so hard that individuals flee

but the reality of it all lies in belief

2010-10-07T04:02:00.000+08:00

lines exist to distinguish between 2 entities...the more blatantly demarcated the line, the more it entices one to push pass it to discover what's on the other side...but who actually drew the line? can there be more than one artist holding the brush?

in or out? got one leg in but i don't wish to kick anyone in the face...

was hoping to change the outlook of my blog by changing backgrounds and all...unfortunately i can't seem to find something i'm satisfied with...shall continue the search tml...

2010-09-30T01:46:00.002+08:00

so i'm feeling kinda not motivated at all at the moment...gone through a gazillion ideas for my fyp proposal(which happens to be due on fri) but concretized zilch...there's a 315 quiz tml worth 5%...gonna wing it...

putting 306 into practice: the more we know, the more we know that there's much we do not know...and facing these uncertainties entail risks of varying degrees...these are not manufactured risks, thus they are not calculable...the outcome could be disastrous...

but let's just say i choose not to face these uncertainties...will there be a future of regret?

to me, all uncertainty does is baffle...

2010-08-27T01:17:00.001+08:00

started a blog a while back just to speak to Pa...i really don't know whether it helps or just makes things worse...the multitude of everything seems to be getting to me...

2009-12-27T05:08:00.002+08:00

the feeling resurfaced...kind of like a new-found familiarity...

2009-12-02T02:17:00.002+08:00

i don't know whether i made the right choices...they all seemed so obvious at that point in time...but now i'm having second thoughts...what if...just what if...

sidenote: i'm still "stuck" damn it!!!!

2009-10-05T01:52:00.003+08:00

kinda lost it since that day i guess...the reminder was funny...but it did shed the light yet again...crap...

2009-09-19T03:22:00.002+08:00

its more peripheral than panoramic, and far from scenic!!!
immersion into this field of choice?
its so hard to counter "murphy"
senseless gravity was the final order

2009-09-15T03:07:00.002+08:00

Power packed with an aching back!!!

i think i chose the lesser of the 2 EVILS!!! (or so i hope to think)

2009-08-16T16:50:00.002+08:00

been kinda long since i last penned down my thoughts...

well...had a wonderful time with the girls in BKK...shopped kinda insanely, but i worked for it and really needed a break...am really grateful to them for bringing me around and easing my mind off the heavy shitloads...NEH NEH & SHELLZ!!! THANK YOU!!!! Headed to the LADY GAGA concert with them and MS TEO and MS TANG...it was more like an outdoor clubbing session...hahahaha...LADY GAGA seriously seems like she's on drugs...My dear darlings!!! Thanks TRUCKLOADS for always being there!!! although we don't meet often, but its really nice and comforting to know they we always care and will definitely be there for each other!!!

FOC was fun...A clan always has the most seniors...this time round we were seriously full time SAs...i realized what great friends my fellow clan members are...although i didn't express it, but i felt really touched when they were concerned for me when i was feeling down that night...i was freaking controlling myself from tearing...i'm super grateful for such nice friends...and they are seriously funny as well...the talk that night really made me laugh like mad!!! i haven't laughed so hard in such a long time...its kinda saddening that they won't be around much anymore...

school's started and i'm in consensus with everyone out there and am definitely feeling the inertia to get into the studying mode...been spending quite alot of late nights out...i seem to have changed...and so have they...somehow this sem feels very different...

2009-07-09T10:54:00.009+08:00

Sat night was fun!!! celebrated Ms Tang's b'dae in advance!

we were like tourists on the train for the day...hahaha

We acted like starving ppl and we have no clue why the ppl kept sending stuff to our table... had fun taking quite a no. of photos in the club! (too lazy to post) and guess who we saw!!! Mr Alvin Tan Wei Hao!!! hahahaha...our own mini prcs gathering...hahahaha

ms tang couldn't finish her super creamy choc cake

and talk of the "ni bu yao ma wo mama ok?!" incident resulted in a fatal casualty...ms tang's pearls...they were last seen here...don't worry ms tang!!! you'll get better pearls soon!!! hahahaha

i totally love the 3 Ts!!! Ms Tay! Ms Tang! Ms Teo! 19! 20! 21! hahahaha...22 loves you!!! hahahaha

Caught transformers on sun night...i swear we always encounter something whenever we watch a movie...either its a weird movie or the place is closed or lousy timing or only like one seat available or something...hahaha...

Dinner with Karin and Tracy last night was fun!!! Fisherman's Wharf!!! so much for Karin's weight-loss diet meal...hahahahawe can talk and laugh like mad!!! and Sophia is seriously random la..."open anot?" hahahaha...but if he's like Rick then i think none of us would mind...hahahaha...if he's like Jerry, i'm leaving the country too!!! hahahaha...

Nette did up an itinerary for our bkk trip!!! i think its super cute!!! hahaha...but the 2 siao char bors are scaring me with xiao maos and the other idolizes tinky winky!!! hahahahaha...~tinky winky, dipsy, la la, po.....~~~~ hahahahaha

changes are definitely gg to happen...i seriously hope its not too drastic...as stupid as it sounds, i don't think i can let go....

2009-07-04T16:41:00.004+08:00

the week night meet-ups nv fail to perk me up after a long day at work...

The VIPs are still the same and we're so bitchy...tsk tsk tsk...hahahaha...work isn't gonna be quite the same anymore...i'll totally miss karin's antics and us bitching about our dear boss...hahahaha...

My new found friend and long-lost(and found) friend are such a joy to hang out with...thanks to the mad woman no.1, we get to go to many nice far out places with the loveliest ambience for ultimate Chillax dinnerz yoz! hahahaha...and ending the evening with simple desserts and long conversations...last night instead of k-ing, people watching was our late night activity...hahaha...mad woman no.2 is so KPO la...wanting to rush out to watch the bickering couple...hahaha...i can't wait for our trip...you girls must bring me around to the ultimate best bargain places k?! PEACE OUT DAUGHTERS! hahahaha

tonight's gonna be great with the 3 Ts!!!

2009-07-02T03:39:00.002+08:00

those words totally hit me...its kinda hurtful but yet its the truth...

2009-06-27T15:59:00.002+08:00

Filling up the emptiness with great company!!!

i really enjoy these random get togethers...not having some major elaborate activity being specially planned weeks or days in advance, just setting out time to spend time with each other...card-playing, suppering, k-ing, super late dinners, sipping coffee, exploring new grounds, movie marathoning, watching mtvs, and whatever weird things we've done...in the midst chatting about whatever comes to mind, serious conversations to nonsensical topics or antics that ecstacy can never compete with...

it just feels so comfortable and relaxing just chilling out with these wonderful people...people whom i've known for like many years to people i've known for only like a gazillion hours...people whom i can be myself with without having to worry about being on my best behaviour for we know and love each other for who we are...

my dear friends...i am really grateful that your parents gave birth to you so that we can be friends!!! Thank you UNCLES and AUNTIES!!!! hahahahahahaha

2009-06-15T22:16:00.002+08:00

can't believe we're heading to bangkok!!! and it was so spontaneous!!! "wanna go bangkok?" "actually i don't mind..." "let's go!" and in less than 24 hours everything was booked!!! hahahaha so we're heading there end of july!!! can't wait!!!

can't imagine that the 3 of us would be heading overseas together...i think my new found friend is insane...gg on a holiday with 2 strangers after hanging out for just 1 night...hahahaha...but what can i do....we're just too irresistable to say no to...hahahaha...

spoke to both of them the past few days and really hope everything works out for the best for each of them whichever way things go...its really saddening...but i guess somethings just pan out in their own adverse ways...and i felt damn freaking guilty making XTT wait for so damn long and at that point in time he was seriously pissed... and in the process we didn't go and search for the additional gift we were supposed to get dency...i think it was really horrible of me and i think i really needa think more for others...

what indian said seriously makes a whole lot of sense...i really kinda asked for it...hahaha...its my fault, i have noone else to blame but myself...but i realised its kinda temporal or periodical now and has been this way since quite a long while back...which is great!!!! once fun and laughter comes into the picture, fun and laughter is all that exists!!! HAHAHAHAHA

and i got a single room next to indian!!! mel is along the same stretch too!!! just waiting for lee ting ting to check out hers and dency might be along the same stretch as us too!!! though it won't be the same without ms lee shu ling around......

2009-06-04T00:21:00.002+08:00

it was great talking to michelle lee xin yu ( i know i tend to mention ppl's full name, don't ask me why...)...although we seldom catch up, but i'm really glad we had that major talk...i really didn't know we had so much in common...although such things aren't really good to have in common...hahaha...

i really enjoy such relationships...being able to talk non-stop abt anything and everything and being so comfortable...and knowing that such friends will also be around despite the lapse in the time spent due to differing schedules...

more catching up tml...this time with mr justin tan kuan yan/yuan too! the pang seh kia! hahaha...

2009-05-26T02:33:00.002+08:00

its at times like this that i'm mounting with hatred and sadness from within and exploding wouldn't be sufficient to release all tt's pent up...i'm just so bloody irritated!!! having controlled this on my own for like the longest time, i have no clue whether i'll go insane few years down the road...even if i did, nothing might change anyway...

2009-05-19T00:05:00.008+08:00

first day and work has commenced itself in full swing...kinda scary yet at the same time its kinda fun...hope my enthusiasm lasts till the end...its my first day and i've got my first case to work on...FUYOH!!! spoke to a few clients today...the legal industry is such a negative one...all the clients have, in some form, a degree of angst...tsk tsk...

now instead of reporting at 11, i have to be in by 930!!! which means i need to set out by latest 8.15!!! i haven't been anywhere remotely near that kinda routine for the past 2 years!!!

i can't believe i did it...hope i have the courage to see it through...

2009-05-14T22:00:00.002+08:00

can't wait to start work on monday...i'm feeling so crappy just lazing around at home...am kind of afraid of work though...i'm afraid that i might not be up to it...i mean, afterall i'm not trained in law...i think it'll be work all the way till school reopens once monday starts...that means i'm left with fri and sun to "nua", since sat will be spent bringing the SCAS kids to the zoo...

i think i should bake or do something tml...hmmmmz...muffins or cookies or tarts?

2009-05-13T19:04:00.007+08:00

Had a super long overdue dinner with the soci girls after exams ended...

Hey girls...sorry but i seriously have no clue why i can't upload the pictures on facebook...i'll just post them here for your viewing pleasure k?...hahahaha...

Max Brenner is seriously a gift from god...hahahaha

Visited sentosa with Yue Hooooooooooooo, Shyan Jun, Alan and Clarence on sunday. Had a really fun and relaxing time...Ultimate frisbee should so totally be a sport included in IHG man...along with floorball...hahaha...Through this outing i also have found a new totally effective stress relieving activity!!! Floating...hahaha...i just held on to the vball and rested my head on it and just floated in the water...relaxing ULTIMATUM!!! After that we just got into a photo-taking frenzy...the amt of photos is probably killing shyan jun...hahaha

Went for the law firm internship interview on monday...got the job...but the pay's 6.50 an hr, tried asking for more but they said would only consider increasing it based on my performance for the next 2 weeks...i have made the decision to try it out...although there are other alternative jobs that can earn me more muuula, but i guess i'll be to learn more at the law firm.

Had the interview for the hall rec list thingy on monday night...i guess it went alright...i think i should be able to stay, taking into consideration the amt of things i have done in hall for the past 2 years...i'm really glad that the juniors are so committed to maxar...its heartening...well i wonder what the new sem will be like...without the ridiculously crazy lee shu ling around in the room it'll really be very different...

its a good thing i've upped my level of independence...from now on its definitely gonna be put to the test...but so far, i think i'm doing rather well...hahahaha...

2009-05-11T01:28:00.002+08:00

oh my...this is insane...i'm actually super sleepy but i just can't slp...the tears just keep flowing uncontrollably...ah!!! ridiculous!!! STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-05-05T20:22:00.004+08:00

I seriously had a great time laughing yesterday. Yalun's forfeit was the best! Trust xuanjie to come up with such a wonderful dare...hahaha...I hadn't laughed so hard in such a long time...It was seriously hilarious!!! He ran down a stretch in SMU(where there were students studying) and shouted "I LOVE NTU! I LOVE NTU! I LOVE NTU!!!" hahahahahaha...The video can be found on facebook...hahahaha

And the VERMONSTER was like WOAH!!!!! after waraku-ing (just look at how huge Ben's bowl was!!!), we devoured 88bucks worth of BJs!!!!! I can't believe that we actually did that...hahahaha...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY YALUN!!!

its fun spending time with them...they're like my brothers away from home...

2009-04-02T18:38:00.002+08:00

so the "independence day talk" was seriously enriching...a drastic change from like 3 years ago...we have grown up...hahaha...we may seem to be a certain way to others, they can deem us in whatever way they want but that may not be a true reflection of ourselves and there isn't a need to make extra efforts to explain who we really are...some think we're like super smart while others think we're dimwits...life doesn't revolve around their conceptions...we are our own individuals...we do things in our own ways, possibly contrary to your beliefs but that's just the way it is...and there's no traumatic experience propelling such changes...its just that we're enlightened...your turn will come soon...

The King of Fun Facts seriously makes my day!!! he is seriously out of this world...without him i seriously wouldn't have a clue which plot of land my grades would be under! hahaha

2009-03-29T21:16:00.002+08:00

although i'm like so not prepared for the upcoming big ones, i'm still hoping that april comes and goes ASAP!!! i really need to start doing and settling alot of things...

its kinda insane, but i feel that i need a new life! its not that i'm not appreciative of whatever i have now, its just.....i dunno why...but i'm feeling a need for change!!! huge amounts of change!!! gotta start heading off in the right direction, for one, i feel really guilty that i've been slacking in terms of svc to god...can't blame the circumstances, its not god's fault that such circumstances arise, its just up to me to overcome them...he never forsakes yet i've sidelined him in my priorities...tsk tsk tsk...

i seriously hope to take the upcoming hols to realign myself...and hope everything will follow suit and fall into place...hope the family situation improves...3 mths is a long time...miracles can happen...i'm still alive!!!!!!!!

as a start i wanna change my blogskin!!! but can't find no nice ones!!!

2009-03-02T04:32:00.003+08:00

aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh....so many many many many many many many many things going on!!!! more shocking news today!!! seriously right...how can someone be so bloody fake and yet no one can tell?! and what's worse is that she can manipulate everyone so well!!! YUCKS!!!!! and i freaking allowed myself to be played by her...i don't understand how such people can exist and manipulate so successfully to the point that they still appear angelic...manipulate others for your own gain! don't you feel no sense of guilt at all?! to think i actually bothered to think of you as somewhat more than an accquaintance...you were just making use of me to get to him!!! how disgusting is that?!

and dude...seriously...stop it! gain some awareness! u need a crash course on learning how to become sensitive...previously i would have given you that wake up call, but seriously i don't think i can now...

tucked away from view, stacked under a tower of diversions, yet somehow managing to make guest appearances which are welcome with ultimate apprehension...the view is getting smaller, but the scenery refuses to budge...

2009-02-24T00:18:00.013+08:00

witnessing a few different versions...one which totally is in ruins and seems to be beyond repair...then there's this one which is rather complicated and many parties are grappling to tide through...yet there's this other version which is just so sweet and simple, totally reminds us of how and what it should be like...its basically all the same thing but circumstances and people change everything to such a huge extent that its kinda saddening to witness...all enter it with assumingly the same goal but end up in totally difeerent predicaments...just hope everything pans out nicely for all involved...

for myself...this week and the next is gonna be hell...assignments, projects and presentations to clear! and quizes to pump up the workload!!! home is kind of like a retreat in certain aspects but at times it can be even more stressful than hall...unfortunately for the sake of my studies, i needa journey to the west...don't even have the time for a proper long catch-up session with the easties this week...major bummer...can't wait for exams to come and go and for the hols to engulf me with boredom!!! hahahaha...

BOREDOM I"M AWAITING YOUR ARRIVAL!!!!! COME LOOK FOR ME SOON!!!! EXAMS WILL BE DONE IN ABOUT 2 MTHS!!!! TAKE NOTE K?!

2009-02-07T04:06:00.001+08:00

Its a whole new february...

2009-01-31T04:53:00.003+08:00

misinterpretations are horrifying! what one actually implies may be totally different from what the other person deems of it...this is where problems set in...my actions have seemingly volunteered themselves to the manipulation of misinterpretism...at the same time, my words seem to have fallen victim to essentialism as well...all cause i bothered to care...

2009-01-28T01:20:00.002+08:00

Darwin's evolution based on natural selection is possibly playing itself out in this time and age...this deserves a serious WOW!!!

2009-01-22T17:59:00.006+08:00

Am so worried i can't get into any overseas exchange programme for next next sem...i so don't wanna miss out on this chance while i'm like in uni...although last sem was an improvement, it ain't good enough! so totally need levelling-up!!!

kinda worried for maxar's sponsorship as well...hope a kind co. will come by and lend us a hand...till then i guess its just more e-mailing and convincing to be done...

dance! can't seem to get it! can't like execute some movements the right way...gotta try to get the "feel" and work it out man...can't let grace down...jiayou!!!

the above are things that i would like to keep in my prayers, but the thing is that i don't think i'm doing enough to deserve God's listening ear man..."sorry God, i'll make up for it, you know i will"

anyways caught up with the sec sch bunch last weekend...we can so totally have fun doing the most ridiculous and random things...no planning of elaborate events or fear of not having a great time...everything just flows sequencially...9 years of friendship!!! next year will be our 10th anniversary ppl!!! hahahaha...We must catch ZhiHui at the right timing before she like flies back to the U.S.

2009-01-04T01:36:00.002+08:00

NEW YEAR NEW YEAR NEW YEAR!!! 2009!!!

been having alot of fun ever since exams ended! IHG trainings and matches!!! though i totally screwed up my back, but its worth it! how i wish IH is like a monthly thing...hahaha...Avni will so totally kill me if it is though...am glad that i managed to get to know more people better through IH...totally love the spirit and the enthusiasm we all share...

the festive period has been fun...enjoy spending time with dojo peeps...nearly forgot how much fun we used to have laughing and playing afool, especially with shellz and justin...we used to spend so much time together, but as we grew up and as our lives took off in separate directions we kinda drifted apart, but somehow we know that we'll never be totally distant, and that we're always around...its reassuring to know that this group of frens will always be there =) like what justin said "we're all gonna be friends till each of us lies on our deathbed"...hahaha..

the 2 events on nye's was such a contrast! the club was kinda crowded and noisy while ECP was totally chillax to the max...but managed to talk to shellz for quite a bit in the club while sobering up...we've got a whole lot of catching up to do...its just so easy to just talk abt anything even though we've been missing out on quite abit in each other's life so far...and hope all goes well for us in 2009 including mr tan...
Hallmates are such a fun bunch that are great to chill out with...we can like just lie on the mats and talk abt "god knows what" and time flies just like that...its so great to be around such people where you can feel so totally comfortable and at ease...and yet go mad with too...hahaha

well the sem's gonna start soon...and i'm kinda greatful for that...cos it means there's stuff to focus my mind on!!! GPA 4.5!!! this year's gonna be a good one!!! i can sense it!!! i'm gonna make sure everything goes smoothly!!! and as in OCS lingo "CHECK CLEAR!!!!" hahahahahahaha...

2008-11-29T19:00:00.002+08:00

so i just wandered for like nearly 2 hrs...its kinda ridiculous...i know it myself...but it kinda felt like the only thing to do...therapeutic in a sense...

i guess what you said makes sense...just needa implement the rationalization...its the toughest stage in the entire process man...hahaha...i still can't believe myself man...how come?! why?! did i just totally lose my mind?!

2008-11-25T02:14:00.011+08:00

Post-sec attempt at song-writing...

Title: Listen to me

Verse 1:
Alone at night I sit and write
Dreadful plight beyond the light
Tales to tell, but no one’s here to listen

Bright and cheerful as day may be
So am I, or so it seems
All I need is for you to listen

So hear me please…

Chorus:
I am just a girl, fragile as can be
Tough I may seem, but not underneath
Longing for someone to be there for me
Someone who’ll just listen to me

Verse 2:
I lie awake away from serenity
The thoughts hit me like thunder and lightning
Resounding in my mind, pounding at my heart

Day breaks and so do I
Into pieces from tears shed last night
Pent up feelings with only me to bear

So hear me please…

Chorus:
I am just a girl, fragile as can be
Tough I may seem, but not underneath
Longing for someone to be there for me
Someone who’ll just listen to me

Bridge:
Where are you?
Come find me
Do you even exist?
Wake me up from my sub-consciousness!

Chorus:
I am just a girl, fragile as can be
Tough I may seem, but not underneath
Longing for someone to be there for me
Someone who’ll just listen to me

Would you listen to me?

Have kinda changed quite a fair bit since then...negated repression...i'm grateful that i don't feel the same need for this song anymore =)

2008-11-16T14:46:00.001+08:00

Delusion takes its place
Night breaks into silence
Chaos does its laps
The stirring doesn’t stop

From the extreme end of the spectrum
Shining through
Such bright lights
Yet vision fades to a blur

A myriad of colours rush through
Only darkness holds its fort
Broken down...yet rationality doesn’t seep through...

2008-09-14T04:06:00.000+08:00

Time has passed and we seem fine,
but we’re not alone in our subconscious minds…
tongues wag so often that tails seem so detached from the term…
we’re both trying our best and we know it…
I know you’ve been wanting to talk to me a gazillion times but are refraining yourself from doing so to protect me… but i long to heal your wound, even at the expense of mine…
That was just like slapping myself in the face…
I can’t find the switch…even if I did I think its fused…
Everything is apprehensive now…

2008-08-10T22:24:00.002+08:00

school's started...but i haven't really gotten into the mood of things just yet...

had great fun at both hss and hall FOCs!!! however, somehow hall FOC seems to be more fun, maybe cos the people are closer...psb said he likes the after feeling of FOC cos everyone feels like a tight knit family, always hanging out tgt and stuff...i kinda agree with him on that...

lyndsey's asking me to move over to 43, fatein's asking charlene to move over too...my whole freaking clan is over at 43...but we're half-hearted about moving, firstly cos LZ will be alone if we do move and secondly we somehow feel kinda settled in 41...we're so used to the 41 toilet!!! but that irritant is seriously getting on our nerves!!! what's the deal with you man?! it isn't as if we're shouting! we're not that loud or noisy! get a life!!! you make me abhor you!!!

been getting a little too intoxicated over the past 2 weeks...i can't believe i merlion-ed for the 2nd time yest...crap...guess practice doesn't make perfect

been pondering over what you said...but serioulsy i don't exactly see a need for one now...and i just don't think i'm ready for it anyway...maybe i haven't been able to fully put it behind me...dumb i know...but i guess its taking longer than i expected...

2008-07-20T22:47:00.004+08:00

So the Project Identity gig was rather disappointing due to the "not so perfect" organisers...but other than that i still kinda enjoyed myself...its fun performing with digression/sing and strum (we are not Xing and strum)!!!

Ho Jia Yan a.k.a Alexis a.k.a siao char bo is so much fun! she's like a major fun crapping partner...our frequencies intersect at the most peculiar wavelengths!!! bet the rest can't stand our ridiculous antics, but who cares!!! hahahaha...i'm glad to have gotten to know such and fun and nice person...and she resembles that Maria woman!!!

Louis Law a.k.a eldine look-a-like a.k.a Chris Cornell impersonator is madness la...he nv fails to amaze me with his originals and at times weird taste...like bjork and amy winehouse...SERIOUSLY! and i'm so jealous! $1500 for 7 hours of work!!! aaaahhh!!!!

Lyndsey Long a.k.a Miss "Zai" is seriously the bomb! She keeps us together and focused and does a great job at it! She sings and plays great! Without her we'd be tenderised pork chops! its nice to get to know her better...apart from just being someone else i happen to know in hall 8...didn't know we actually had quite fair bit in common, from frens to parents as well...hahaha...She's a super talented person...just worries a tad too much at times...Just reassure yourself that everythings' seriously not as bad as it seems...And pls don't second guess yourself too much...your Miss "Zai" to me!!!

Derek Sum a.k.a Jia Hui a.k.a PSB just seems so docile...hahaha...letting us make fun of him without staging too much of a protest...hahahaha...with all his "biyeeee,myeeeend, youuuuuuaaahh" hahaha...its just so him...but i seriously don't think it is a bad thing though...for all you know it could be the DEREK SUM TRADEMARK!!! and i'm not trying to be mean at all when i say this...this i do solemnly swear! I think the prob with him is that he's just too nice...hahahaha...this makes me feel kinda guilty at times when he becomes the victim of our verbal assaults...hahaha...

its amazing how certain things evolve over time...it isn't good, yet it ain't all that bad...

"better in time" is rather true, unfortunately "better" ain't "best" but i'll settle for it for now...

2008-07-12T22:07:00.002+08:00

have been digressing positively for so long and moving totally out of that disgusting zone...but that one line she said just made me regress sooooo much...why does she have to ask me that everytime she sees me!!! why can't she just ask me how's studies? have u gained weight? where's your parents? are you staying throughout?...theres like a gazillion questions to ask me! what's the deal with that qn?! i know i can't blame her cos she probably doesn't know anything...BUT! URGH!!!!!!

2008-06-18T02:13:00.006+08:00

Have been involved in a few interesting and fun activities so far...for one...my late night job...that night i happened to have my cam cos it was after Fatein's b'dae dinner...and we were bored...so we took a whole slew of pics...these are just some...

presenting the soon lee gang!!!

our source of late-night entertainment...and we're really awed by Criss Angel...seriously...tt guy is satanic...and cos sir and i were in a bus with lousy reception, i missed DAVID BECKHAM!!! by the time we swtiched buses...it was too late =(

LZ and I really got bored and took damn alot of pics la...and thank god i didn't watch "shutter"

Our group bonding over the super early morning breakfast...i am soooo gonna miss the hashbrowns and chix wings!!!

This is what OT looks like...

The 2 A.S there were really nice...unfortunately up till now i have no clue what does A.S stand for...hahaha...

Mr Paddy...he thinks this is a good pose, he thinks its very natural...hahahaha...This is our official mascot for soon lee....the MER-SHROOM!!!!!

although we worked at weird hours, we still managed to have fun while we were there...kinda miss the place and people there already....boohoo...hahahaha...

2008-06-18T01:05:00.005+08:00

Managed to catch up with the choir peepal on Hazel's b'dae over at Timbre@ arts house...enjoyed the place alot...Managed to finally try the pizza that everyone's raving about...i kinda like the seafood platter too...hahaha...we ate like damn alotta stuff that night...

the atmosphere @artshouse is kinda different from substation...maybe cos its by the major longkang and opp the cbd but yet has such a relaxing feel "isn't it ironic~~don't you think..." hahahaha...pardon me, i just had to do that...

we managed to sneak in a cake for her...and she treated us to peach champagne...which i must say is kinda nice...

the bassist that night was kinda cute...maybelle and i both thought so too and started influencing the rest...den Edwin thought he was cute too!!! hahaha...but he seriously is la...but that's what we concluded from the rather distant view of him...unfortunately the lighting didn't allow for a better shot...

group shot!!!

Had dinner with Fatein, Germaine, Jeremias and Charlene Lee Shu Ling @ Shokudo...super backdated b'dae treat for fatein...hahaha...i must say the place is kinda nice...and as usual Miss Lee and I really whacked it!!!

the pizza @ timbre is way better than the one here...i swear!!!

we only managed to take photos of our dessert as we whacked the rest too quickly...

Fatein and Charlene

we had our traditional sake toast!!!

KAMPAI!!!

These people are really fun to be around with...the convo that night was really interesting...from hot guys to "shyboy"...hahaha...Jeremias...pls be careful on your way home...lol...

2008-06-10T04:54:00.008+08:00

Haven't blogged in EONS!!!!! have had a whole lot of fun so far this hols...from job hunting to chilling and catching-up sessions to work to shopping to treasure8...FUN FUN FUN!!! shall upload some pics bit by bit...

On mother's day we had a good old english lunch at Sloane Court Hotel...Totally love and dig the old school british feel with the rustic mirrors and cosy fireplace... i soooo wanna go back there again...lee shu ling! we can add this to our already bursting list of places to eat!!!

Roomie and I actually planned to set-up a well-rounded enterprise to finance our ridiculous expenditures...so we had a few AGMs...one of which was over a rather fufilling dinner...

as always...we look most at ease in such a state...hahahaha...

shall upload the rest sometime later...feel exhausted...needa catch up on all the lost nights of slp...

2008-05-07T13:37:00.006+08:00

Exams have officially ended!!! like 1 week ago that is!!! YAYNESS!!! Spent the past week totally relaxing...

Even before exams ended i indulged in some form of relaxation by going to the Mayday concert with zijia and veron...although i didn't know like quite alot of songs, but it was really fun as the band managed to get us super HIGH!!!

Monday was post-exam celebration with dinner at NYDC with the wonderful HW111 group!!!

Presenting our group members...

Caryn: smart and intelligent yet wacky sportswoman!

Me: my eyes are closed on purpose this time round

Joanne: she looks tired...

the hardworking roomie...

Our fellow pasir ris mate!!! i salute you for the long hours of travel you brave everyday!!!

the camera-shy limin...

Together we survived ANIL!!!

Wed was catch-up time with Miss Teo and Miss Tang!!! due to change of plans we caught a movie at the new Downtown East!!! That shall be our new slacking ground if we're lazy to make it to town...Movies anytime!!! And walks back...hahaha...Meeting up with them again on friday for another fun session!!!

Thurs was spent shopping with Ma...damage...

Friday was supposed to take the oath to renounce myself as a singporean but Pa decided against it...and now i'm like hovering...i think i am like stateless at the moment...hope it can be decided like ASAP so that i know whether i can still use the study loan or will charlene be rooming with a foreigner...hahaha...

Friday afternoon was spent cutting hair and searching for swissbake the apparent swissbak, which, after our "survey", doesn't have a branch in raffles city...

On fri night met up with the Sing & Strum gang...Whenever i'm with these wonderful people, we always have endless amounts of fun!!!

Lyndsey and i nearly wore exactly the same outfit from head to toe...luckily i decided to wear a purple top instead of the black one...hahaha...Mass concumption culture is really evident in singapore man...even the waitresses at alleybar had the same shoes as us...i bet image-turn must be earning big bucks...We went to alleybar and then to kbox...

We all have a passion for singing and i guess meeting up to indulge in our fav past time[apart from the drinking that is], we always enjoy enjoy ourselves...

Sunday was shopping with Ma AGAIN!!!...no good no good...

On monday charlene and i embarked on our job search...and clearly the current people at recruitexpress are so different compared to those previously there, in terms of efficiency and other things...hahahaha...Have yet to find a suitable job...hope we get one soon to realise our goals!!!

Off to the Elton John Concert with the family tonight...hahahahaha...

2008-04-25T17:21:00.003+08:00

AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ALL my songs are gone thanks to itunes!!! they freaking asked me to make them my default player so i did...den they said i could delete my music folder cos everything is saved in my itunes library already...so i deleted my whole music folder and stepped it up a notch to be a smartass and bloody emptied my recycle bin!!! And guess what! When i clicked on the song to be played on itunes, they said they can't freaking locate the file!!! WTH!!!!! The worst thing is that alot of the songs aren't exactly mainstream songs so they are like super hard to locate to download and i have been like building up my music list for years!!! argh!!! major breakdown!!!

HOW CAN I LIVE WITHOUT MY MUSIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THAT'S IT...i have finally found something that can possibly sink me into depression...ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm bloody freaking irritated and SAD!!!!!!!!

OH MY FREAKIN MAMA!!!!!!!!

UUUURRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I needa scream it out in a song but there ain't no freaking song to scream along to!!!

ARGH!!!!! my heart aches so bad!!!!

2008-04-13T01:17:00.005+08:00

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ITS COMING!!!!!!!!!!!! ITS HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HHHHHEEEEELLLLPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!

2008-03-31T23:12:00.008+08:00

1/2 HW111 group "celebration"!!!!! woohoo!!!

Guess who?..hahahaha...

its Charlene and her Mother-In-Law!!!! HIDIHO!!!
1/2 of HW111 pro-group!!!!yeah!!!
it looks harmless...but looks can be deceiving...soooooo deceiving.....
this isn't the worst outcome of the prok ribs man...trust me!!!

Nonchalant shopper my ass la...pls la caryn stop lying...here's the hard proof of you avid shopping!!! your manning the trolley la...tsk tsk tsk...

Really had tonnes of fun on a MONDAY NIGHT for crying out loud!!! Although we only had a monstrous dinner and some mad-cap shopping at DAISO!!!...hahaha...we should do this more often...its an ultimate stress-reliever and detox method!!!

Sylvia's 21st!!!

unfortunately we didn't get to take much photos...definitely miss my 1st batch of jc frens...they nv failed to provide me with laughter admist disgusting lectures and tutorials...the cupcakes were super de duperbly cute la!!! ingenious right?...instead of having a cake just have cupcakes, you don't even have to go through the hassle of cutting the cake and its damn cute to boot!!!...hahaha...miss you guys!!!...meet up after our horrid exams!!!!

EVELYN'S 21st!!! The Retro Epoch!!!

unfortunately only took a few pics...and the rest of the soci ppl had left...but we had great fun nonetheless!!! really managed to UNWIND!!!!!! the following pics are perfect proof that we really UNWOUND man!!!!!!!!

mother-in-law,charlene and the son

we just went mad in the cab!!! i think the uncle must have been so worried la!!!

the 3 crazy TPJCians in the cab...seriously i swear ERIC is mad!!! i hate him!!!...hope the taxi uncle manage to reach home wholesomely!!!...hahahaha....

In conclusion: MAD-CAPPED FUN!!! ROCK ON PPL!!!

2008-03-28T02:26:00.003+08:00

Just watched "27 dresses" it unfortunately has the same disastrous effect as "The Leap Years"...the last quarters never always materialise...

distractions can be great, but ultimately are just distractions...

i know what's the right thing to do and am slogging in that aspect, but the right is so subjective...to me it seems wrong at times...bounded by hurt and guilt with conscious modes of thinking...internalising peripheral advice narrows and mellows things down...but can't help in cutting it out...all pinnings can only be postulated...

i think i've really managed to grasp and relate to goffman's theory; once the audience has gained acces to the backstage, it seems close to impossible to continue the show without the audience knowing that the actor is acting...

2008-03-14T22:07:00.016+08:00

Some shots from my 21st!!!

we look DAMN ugly!

HENG HOWE looks rather freaky here man...hahaha...

i swear they must be related in some way or another...either that or they went to the same plastic surgeon...hahaha...

i love cakes...YAYNESS!!!

roomie!!!

just short of karin and we would have our full class...lol...

we've been friends forever and ever and will be forever and ever and ever and ever!!!!!!!
singing and strumming....singing and strumming....lalalalalala.....RAMUH!!!!!!! DOJO PEEPS!!!
Srethgie Bewitched!!! UH OH UH OH OH!!! AZRIEL!!!
Nelson's pets...hahaha...

flower girls...hahahaha...
new found friends!!! lol...pa...that's seriously unglam...tsk tsk... ken chua u are gross!!!

THANKS TO EVERYONE FOR THEIR LOVELY GIFTS!!!!!!my little pony, a watch and other cute stuff from a combi of dojo ppl and some choir peeps...hahaha...thank you very much!!!a "topshop" gift card from azriel and a self-made charm bracelet from miss laughing bag JADE CHEN WEN YI!!!! thank you thank you thank you!!!tthe tee and bag were from close to full A04!!! CHARLENE LEE SHU LING and OLIVIA OW MUN EE!!! roomie u remebered!!! hahaha...thanks a billion!!!! the above 2 books were from eldine,sean and lixiang...thanks loads!!! blk 41 rocks!!! hahaha... the watch was from sing and strum dudes and dudettes!!! you know who you are..too many to type...hahaha...thanks a million!!! you guys rock my socks!!!

the gifts above and a few more were all from LZ!!! thanks so much my fellow stone partner!!! am really super de duperbly touched by the little story book!!! i love you!!! the crazy 3 gave me $150 cold hard cash!!! and xinyong came with a rose too!!! i can smell the love...hahaha...thanks miss teo, miss tang and miss tay!!! hahaha...

the beautiful white bag and piggy came from the 1st ever group of ppl i met in ntu...RAMUH!!!!!! thanks so much!!! we haven't been spending much time tgt ppl!!! whatever happened to our weekly dinners???!!!
this cute little black bag was from justin and jeanette...and apparently justin was the one who chose it, not jeanette...hmm?...giving him the benefit of adult i'll believe him...hahaha...thanks buddy!!!

Well that was my 21st Birthday BASH!!!...hahaha...thanks for everyone who came and for making it so memorable for me!!!!!! LOVE YOU'ALL TO BITS!!!!!!

2008-03-14T14:02:00.019+08:00

Haven't blogged for a month!!! as if there's anything important to blog abt the past month apart from tests, a sucky presentation and that absolutely horrible thingy!!!...but at least in the midst of all that, i really enjoyed myself with the company of family and great friends!!!

I AM OFFICIALLY 21!!!! I CAN"T WAIT TO RECEIVE MY PROGRESS PACKAGE FROM THE GOVT!!!!!! ~gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme more~

well gonna post some pics from the wonderful things that i have experienced the past month

can't believe it...we actually managed to get 3rd place!!! WooHoo!!! Srethgie Bewitched Rocks!!!

its a little dark...but i took this from right at the front of the cinema...we were the only ones there at that time...an unearthly hour...hahaha...Sing and Strum performance!!!

trying to capture a snapshot of derek's VEIN!!!

can't remember how many tissues "eng ow" used man...lol...DIGRESSION PROMO SHOT!!!
Hall 8's Sing 'n' Strum!!!

Our celebration @ Eski bar...speak no evil,hear no evil,see no evil...

the game that started it all...

fellow merlions unite!!!

These 2 kuku malus were really mad...

how dare he say he wasn't high...hahah

great acting by gordon...he actually really looks drunk...hahaha...

Next up was Hall 8's FAP: Nobody Nose...

drunkards unite!!!

Da Xiong's infamous ROUND head...and 2 roomies trying to act cute...tsk tsk...

i just realised that there really are kinda alot of pictures man...shall post the rest later...time to call schools!!!

2008-02-06T02:56:00.001+08:00

today has been a long and tiring day...

we started out like early in the morning packing up our stuff to bring home and rushed out for our $11.90++ DIM SUM BUFFET!!! Seriously never judge a book by its cover...the hotel lobby had a weird stench and looked as if it would crumble any moment...

This was the lift we had to take...it looks as if it were like 100yrs old la...

These are the lift buttons...nothing special i know la but it does looks kinda cute la...can't believe we actually took the lift up again and then back down just to take a photo of the lift buttons...funny man...

Our tourist photo-taking spot =)

Although the whole place looked rather dowdy, we managed to enjoy our fill...the Dim Sums were nice!!! Xiao long baos, chicken wings, ha gaos, fried dumplings, some char siew pastry thingy, siew mais, omeltte, soup, porridge, mango pudding, green bean soup...can't recall what else we ordered...all that and only 3 ppl consuming such a monstrous amt...

The table looked so serene b4 we started our rampage...we were so busy eating that we didn't even bother to take pictures of the hong kong delicacies la! anyway i think it would have been hard trying to fit everything into one picture judging by our ordering skills...

We look like 2 SUPER satisfied customers la...Thanks for bringing us there Joanne!!! we should have more of such rampages!!!

After lunch, was the haircut...i seriously fell asleep while the lady was washing my hair...and she kept asking me to do this and that treatment...my goodness la...it was kinda irritating...and all this while charlene was so kind as to wait for me by hunting for her dad's gift and people watching...hahahaha...thanks roomie!!!

finally went marketing with mamee at sheng shiong...ppl are buying things as if they are literally free la...but a surprising thing is that this year there are like alot of more Indian and Chinese nationals doing there last min CNY marketing too...and some of them seriously are super uncouth and downright rude man!

oh wells...on a lighter note, i bought something super auspicious for myself to usher in the CNY! and hopefully i'll be able to "FA CAI"!!!

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!!

2008-01-03T16:17:00.000+08:00

teardrops on my guitar...

2007-12-27T02:10:00.000+08:00

needa release...the past few days have been filled with an array of mixed feelings...but overall i think i did well...was able to control how i felt to an amazingly high level that even i shocked myself...though i was like totally crumbling inside, i managed to seem totally cool on the surface...i staged an emmy award performance all on my own...i am seriously happy that your happy...just that a tinge of sadness surrounds my supposed joy...sadness that will hopefully vanish in the near future, just as it is slowly doing so now...

2007-08-11T03:18:00.000+08:00

Previous post = uncertainty
Current post = full of hope and positivity for the future!!!

Finally made it to socio and settled in hall 8!!! Will mug my freaking ass off to make everything worth the while!!!

Have made many great friends from both HSS and Hall 8 camp!!!
And of cos needless to say...i have a great roomie!!!
Note to roomie: i'll try my best to wake up earlier in the event of a shitting sensation.
we'll cook meals and constantly top up our overseas trip fund!!!
we'll try our best to become blk reps to better our living conditions and
hopefully stay in the same room for the next few yrs...
Last but not least...our fridge is arriving on monday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-07-08T19:52:00.000+08:00

Am supposed to be submitting my application for hostel right now...but haven done so...
Shifu i read your blog...since there's something super wrong with our tag boards, here's what i gotta say to you...I"M STILL HOPEFUL THAT YOU"LL GET IN!!! We"ll have so much fun in uni together!!! We'll mug our freaking ass off!!! We'll have those late night talks which nv seem to end!!! We'll have our very own vending machine!!! i'll join u in giving charmaine a treat when the joyous occassion occurs

After the conversation on thurs night, i was so tempted to just let it out...i had already planned to do so,but the moment we came face to face i so totally couldn't even begin to start...and just behaved as we usually would...a coward...and the circumstances were seriously not helping at all...i just sunk deeper n deeper...

the constant tugging is really painful...i just hope it won't snap...

2007-06-21T16:40:00.000+08:00

OMG...i so cannot concentrate on my work today!!! In the morning it was because of something Ma told me last night and know its because of sociology!!!

Charlene i'm very happy that you got the interview and i seriously think you will get in la...most of the time if your granted an interview they'll accept you. i'm very happy for you but worried for myself...you understand right?...

I'm like super worried that sociology might not accept me due to the fact that i accepted english. I didn't want to accept english but the ntu advisor told me to accept it and den wait for my appeal results...but i'm very afraid now that they will not accept me because of me accepting engligh...omg...this concerns not only the next 4 years of education, but maybe the rest of my life la...it'll determine what kind of job i will land up with after i graduate and obviously affect the kind of life i will lead in the future...omg!!! i know i said i wouldn't mind english but its totally not my interest...i really hope i will be granted an interview with sociology and i will really put myself out there to get a place!!!

how am i going to get through the next 3 days...i haven even prepared myself to deliver the presentation, being busy with so many things and being worried so much is insane la...i'm afraid i won't be able to concentrate during jamboree...oh man...god pls give me the strength to make it through...

Charlene i will be like so totally waiting for your call tml...if they're willing to give me a chance i would not hesitate to cab all the way down the minute we put down the phone...

Hopefully with my new nerdy specs they'll think i look like a model student and just offer me a place...oh man...pls give me the strength!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-05-24T18:06:00.000+08:00

OMG!!! super bored in the office...thank god for internet & emails...
during the spade of boredom in the office, few discoveries were made:

1. Online chinese-english or english-chinese dictionaries and super useless
2. Wentworth Miller has one blue eye and one green eye
3. Almost the whole of singapore has signed up for final theory test in the span of like just 1 week
4. Become a BIG BOSS and one can leave the office early
5. Time takes forever to pass when one's working
6. Millions of office workers engage in online shopping to cure boredom while at work
7. Orlando Bloom's first job was as a clay-trapper in a pigeon shooting range
8. Sandra Bullock used to be a bartender
9. 10 yrs ago the avg bra size was 34B...now its 36C...
10. Office romance between 2 50-yr olds can be quite sweet

ok...tt's today's findings...*yawns*

2007-05-12T00:17:00.000+08:00

CMI!!! not gonna let what happened at the gym today ever take place again...
too much food and not enough sleep...disastrous!!!
i wanna change my blogskin!!! so bored of it!!!

2007-04-29T03:42:00.000+08:00

this is insane...its been sleepless nights since that day...i guess i brought all this upon myself...is it solely my fault for keeping it to myself? would it be different if i had let it out? if i had let it out it could turn out to be good or like totally horrible...oh man...how could i let something like this happen? i can't even focus during office hours...i have to do ridiculous things to get my mind of it...its even worse den previously...at least i had someone to blame the last time, but now it seems as if its all my fault...its like i'm killing myself...emotional suicide...
"those questions asked in such innocence have such a piercing effect"
"it kinda hurts"
"i'll get over it i know...but it might take a while...a long while"

@4.40am...another sleepless night...

2007-01-30T03:19:00.000+08:00

Haven blogged for like approx. 2 mths...although i doubt anyone reads this but i shall jus type some shit here so that blogger does not close my account and deprieve me from viewing my previous posts...

viewing previous posts may sound stupid but it helps me rmb y i even started the blog in the first place...as an avenue to release all my pent up thoughts and feelings...maybe blogging can help those mentally depressed ppl...it seriously feels rather therapeutic at times...ok i sound like a lunatic...end of recaps

FEELING OF THE MOMENT:i seriously miss spending time with all my various crazy groups of frens...everyone's like doing different things right now,everyone's timings are so different that its hard for groups of us to catch up together...with some in the uni,some rushing out FYPs,some working,some still slogging in the army...

i miss all those fun outings and carefree days...BUMMER...

2006-12-01T22:36:00.000+08:00

super duper busy with work...but its fun working here...the ppl are nice and friendly...with the exception of the lady boss who feels like the pri sch principal whom everyone fears the moment she walks by...i like my workplace...

Doris's wedding was sweet...its great to see her find her true happiness...it seemed like just a while back tt we were trying to help her get rid of the guy who kept bothering her and now she's mrs teo!!! i'm sure she'll make a great wife and mother...

Prom on wed!!!...it was fun...especially since it was in the company of karin and charlene...those 2 can make the dullest place fun...pity ms ow couldn't join us...had fun preparing the it with the manicures and the rushing to and from diff locations...all with the help of karin and her mum...thanks karin!!! the dinner at Ritz was high class but i mainly only enjoyed the dessert...the chocolate brownie thingy!!! den it was off to DXO...we were like the first few to reach...although more tpjcians started to come in, the vibe still wasn't there...den it was off to ZOUK...it was super packed but more fun...in the end,fatigue overcame us and it was back to karin's house to slp...but unfortunately for me, the sleep came much later den expected thanks to my cowardness and fear of removing the contact lenses...

having so much fun in the company of great frens made me miss others as well...oh well...

charlene's advice shall be my new yr resolution!!!...haha...told u i'm a coward...

2006-11-26T02:21:00.000+08:00

have been occupied with so many things these days that although the last paper was only last week,it feels as if the A's have been over for like 2 mths or something...haha...

shopped with nat for prom stuff on mon...although the dress isn't like the ideal one,but due to certain circumstances,tt was the best we could do tt way...but anyway it was kind of a steal at tt price...managed to get shoes as well...50% off!!!

started work at standard charted bank on tues...so far it has been rather "ok"...hope it'll get better...the superiors are nice ppl...cute as well...fatherly and sisterly figures...haha...i like the kind clients we have to liase with...but seriously, the "niao" ones can jus go and die la...and working ppl seriously have nth to do during lunch other den shop...retailers there earn big bucks man...

went out wif the crazy woman charlene on fri...we had dinner at this chinese section in food republic and we fell in love with the tea pot la...its super nice...she thinks its unique and i think its rustic...jus love the feel of it...

isn't it nice?...got the rustic feel right?...

Den we got into the festive mood...christmas decorations always manage to perk ppl up somehow...

after photo-taking...we got our lovely black clutch and headed home...

told u she's wacky...haha...luckily my eyes look larger thanks to specs...and she'd look like a goldfish if she wore specs...haha

crazy woman...its fun spending time with u and walking rather aimlessly and lost and getting high in the middle of orchard road...haha...and we're gonna have more fun with karin and olivia on wed!!! hope my old man doesn't spoil it...

there's doris's wedding dinner tml...today was fun...haha...more tml...

2006-11-17T01:50:00.000+08:00

ITS FINALLY OVER!!! i can't believe it...its like so surreal walking down the streets of orchard...i felt like an alien...guess tt's wat the A's can do a person...

went for an interview this afternoon...hopefully i can get a job soon...there's just so many things awaiting me...driving,shopping,swimming and newly added on the list...DANCING!!!...i know it so doesn't sound like me...but i'm so affected by "STEP UP"...ridiculously the fire alarm went off halfway through the movie yet nobody moved at all...if there was a real fire all of us would have probably died la...

i think i'm like developing a fetish for bald guys especially those with intense eyes...i can't take it man...his eyes can kill(right ms lee shuling?)...haha...

and i seriously wanna complain abt public toilets...if the place is still open why can't the toilets be as well...i freaking had to control for like 2 hours...worse still i walked home cos i missed the damn bus...really had the urge to just squat behind one of those bushes...

anyways...there's lots to look forward to in days to come...karin's place and out, taking photos of kids wif olivia(haha), shopping with tab, doris's wedding, prom, post-prom...HURRAY TO THE END OF EXAMS!!!!!!!!!

2006-10-31T22:30:00.000+08:00

there's like this constant upwelling of weird feelings surging through me...fear and panic all at once...i know i've gotta push these aside and not let it affect my studying progress,but i can't help but wonder wad if everything goes wrong and i end up dissappointing everyone and myself yet AGAIN...this thought keeps running through my mind every time i can't solve a maths sum or can't grasp a geographic or economic concept...i know i'm definitely more confident of wad i'm studying now as compared to the shit i knew last yr,but everyone in this yr's batch probably knows jus as much and are working even harder den me...blaming anyone else but myself now would be ridiculous...sometimes i really detest my laziness and incapabilities...so disgusting!!!

all these unnecessary worrying is jus taking too much of my time...its hard to concentrate with these thoughts occupying my already close to full employment brain...i need to like eradicate it asap and carry on with my studying but i jus can't stop it...it gets worse as the day draws nearer...is this like the pre-exam jitters?...if it is den i am experiencing probably the most extreme end of it...i hate this feeling!!! I NEED OUT!!!!!!!!!

2006-10-17T20:42:00.000+08:00

omg...i freakin hate this feeling i have now...argh!!! go away!!!

2006-10-07T17:34:00.000+08:00

omg...jus realised my previous post was so angsty...can't believe i was so pissed...but now everything's fine...haha...i think the coming exams must have been making me cranky thus explaining my weird temper(hope i'm not schizophrenic)...SHEESH!!!
anyway managed to get some studying done the past few days...so i'm a rather happy camper rite now...but still require help from chow chow to clear my doubts...haha...

Ppl...this is a gd way to relieve stress when encountering ridiculously frustrating math problems...it helps...haha...looking at it jus wants to make me laugh...all tt pent up frustration channeled into colour and manifested on a piece of foolscap paper...i think i may have the potential to become an abstract artist...don't u think?...haha

The haze is terrible...so many ppl are already getting affected...Ppl better take care and drink more water...

2006-10-04T00:06:00.000+08:00

can u'all jus shut up for once!!!!!!!!!!!! jus becos u dun see me studying like 8 hrs a day or jus becos i take a nap doesn't mean i've given up...i know wad happened last yr, i dun need u to constantly remind me...wad happened to "let's not stress her too much"...can u at least let me try once more before saying tt i have already dissapointed u guys, the exams are not even over yet for crying out loud!!! and its not exactly a morale booster telling me how dumb i am having to take 3 yrs...and i have nv stopped u from reading my smses...but there comes a point where it gets irritating...i have nth to hide from u so stop judging me after reading EVERY SINGLE ONE of my smses...if i have something to hide i wouldn't have let u read it all rite...and jus becos some msgs are like tt doesn't mean i'm distracted by anything...i know wad is gg on now and i know wad my priorities are...can u at least give me some credit for tt!!!!!!!!!!! and me keeping mum when u guys ramble on doesn't mean i turn a deaf ear to everything...its jus tt i dun see the point in answering u guys cos it'll only lead to a quarrel of how i should have listened to u guys and the digging up of past issues...wad has choosing to go to EM2 instead of EM1 back in pri sch have anything to do with me taking the a'levels now???!!!...and the com is close to me becos i am able to type all these crap and it wouldn't criticize me on wad a lousy human being i am...if u guys are so unhappy den jus freaking kill me la!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-09-27T21:35:00.000+08:00

i can't believe it...i'm disgusted by u...u portray urself in such a holy way,yet do such unrighteous things...the worst part is tt u act as if nth has happened and can still smile...OMG!!! hypocrite!!!is this ur so called holy ways?,ur seriously not practising wad u preach...EEEeeeEEEeee!!!!! no matter wad u say has no effect on my dear fren cos all of us do not believe in wad u say and the ppl around her all know tt she's nice,unlike the things u said abt her...do u really have nth better to do?...GO N FLY KITE LA!!!

most of the results r back...haiz...1.5 mths more to buck up!!!

2006-09-24T01:06:00.000+08:00

Had a wonderfully great time with the family at dinner tonite...from the gossiping abt the cheena ppl at the next table,to the guarding ourselves against the sudden outbursts of oil from the burning animal carcass ready to be eaten...
Conclusion of tonite's dinner?... We are an international family!!!...Pa looks like a malaysian ready to take-over as PM and build his bridge happily...Ma looks like a eurasian cooking devil's curry at the expanse of IMF funds...Ken looks like a singer trying to make it in vietnam,the next vietnam idol...and I look like a typical cheena who's kiasu and blur...what a weird family we have...haha...Do we really look like tt?...
Cheena Kiasu and Vietnamese idolPa..the malaysian lookalike...

Ma...eurasian curry lady...

While i'm at it...felt like adding some photos of the other wonderful ppl in my life...

Shellz!!! the lovely girl to go crazy with...the cheesy days are over(cheeseburger rejection rmb?)...haha

Its always party time with juleen and her fun facts of the day...haha...

Poser justin...one who's childish and mature at the same time...our conversations always end up fruitful right?...haha(sorry man only could find this pic of u...all of us should take more pics next time...)

Karin!!! Myself... Charlene!!! Olivia!!! My lovely classmates!!! They nv fail to make me enjoy boring lessons with their fun and wacky presence(ppl...evidence tt we need to take more decent and UNBUANGED photos...haha)

Choir peeps!!! who made me KL all tt more fun!!! Back:Lilin,Mei Bao Lor,Hazel,Yang,Edwin...Front:Ah Hui,Natoolee,Jerome,Myself,Aileen,Ashley...

Sorry ppl...had to showcase TPchoir's wonderful choir gown...haha

Teo!!!...Both of us are always the ones taking those weird photos...this is proof!!!...haha...

ah hui!!!...my dearest girl!!!...sweetest and nicest fren alive!!! i miss u girl!!!

Miss Tang!!!...we spent alot of fun times chasing idols(F4!!!)...and u ignited my love for all those dramas and bbqs and ktv sessions and MAHJONG!!!...haha...and ur camera is the treasure box of our wonderful memories...haha...Xinyong!!!(i dun have individual photo wif u!!! Tsk!) OkOk...2 msgs to convey here...1) we always have fun and enjoy each other's company 2) Ah Hui we love u and will always be there to support u...we'll nv let u go!!!...haha...

To all my other great frens: Ppl!!! we dun have photos...i need memories of u guys...let's take photos when we meet up ok?...

i love photos...its able to capture the feelings and emotions at tt particular time all in one frame!!! and always manages to bring back memories...gotta add a digi cam to my already uber long wishlist...haha...

oh man...already 2.39am...time to knockout...ZzzZZZzzzZzzZZZZ.........